Had been feeling out of sorts ever since last weekend. During the weekend Saif would not sleep at all and because of that I have a raging migraine on Sunday which had it effects to the workdays. Saif no if is awake at 4 or 5 am is no longer content to sit quietly and play at his cot. He will pulled his brother and my hair just for the hell of it. Hahaha.
Tapi not funny because he also now like to ceku or cakar people because he wants to feel our face. I was so angry when he scratched my eyes. Haha. I know like how you could be mad at a baby, but anger is irrational.
That brings to mind to the abuse of Nor Zuliana. I don't know how the heck it could escalate up to that point but it is scary. I am prone to anger when things dont go my way. You know how we got all this advise that you should always hold your child and be there yada yada yada,, rainbows and stuffs. I honestly thinks you know yourself what is best for YOU and your child.
If the baby wont sleep after numerous and numerous of trying, and I am at the end of my line with Aziz bising.. "lapaarr laa" .. I leave him cried out. ( Safely in a cot or I put him in a buai). I biar die menangis, while I do my stuffs. I know if I picked him up I will get angry because there are 1001 things to do, but he wants to be held in all his waking moments. So yes. I leave him. If you are angry, just leave them somewhere and just cool down.
Nobody is perfect but nobody should hurt a child either. Let's do better! Macam semalam I marah Aziz irrationally because he took a long time to pakai kasut die. He is only 2! Almost 3..but yes, sometimes I expect so much from him when comparatively he can do a lot of things compare to some other kids. Lepas tu die nangis. Then adik die jugak nangis. Husband tadek. I am like Gah. But after putting Saif to sleep ( which he immediately wakes up and continues to cry) and I pergi bawah to mintak maaf to Aziz which puts him in a better mood.
Nonetheless .. may God protect our children .. from others, ourselves and themselves from abuse and destruction be it spiritually or physically.
I may not be a great or even good mother, but please do not let me be a bad one. ( I am also sorely tempted to tied my fallopian tubes this bulan puasa. The hunger and thirst do not bother me so much. But the tiredness and not sleeping is killing me because I can't combat those feeling with a drink of water)
Btw.. this is always at my hands now.