Wednesday, August 31, 2005

Tanggal 31... Bulan 8 ....57.. Merdeka.. Merdeka..

Alamak.. Saya akan cuba berbelog dalam Bahasa Melayu, kerana saya cuba mengikuti Kempen Vincent Mari Berbelog Dalam BM. Saya tidak ade 'banner' sebab malas laa nak upload. Alaa.. macam skema je ayat. Tapi tidak mengapa.. akan ku cuba jua.. cewah!

Rase pelik bila cuba nak menaip dalam BM. Mungkin sebab dah biasa hidup 5 6 tahun, menaip report, exam dan sebagainya dalam English. Bila tiba BM.. waduh.... Dalam kepala pon secara otomatik akan terpikir ayat English untuk menaip. Oleh dengan itu, saya pon menaip perlahan aje.

Nak kata segan menaip dalam Bahasa Melayu.. tak jugak.. sebab bahasa percakapan hari-hari memanglah Bahasa Melayu.. siap ade 'slang' Klate, Kedah, Nogori jugak daku masukkan. Tapi hendak buat camner, bile tiba menaip dan membaca , lagi selesa dalam English. Mungkin sebab tu lah kebanyakkan pelajar Melayu ada masalah nak 'spikang' English tapi report A OK aje.

Berbalik kepada topik di atas. Lagu Sudirman tu. Antara lagu-lagu patriotik yang paling digemarilah. Fikir balik... tak jugak. Rasanya.. hanya itulah lagu patriotik yang diminati kecuali Negaraku la kan. Masa-masa zaman sekolah dulu... bile tiba 31 Ogos, mesti lagu itulah yang dinyanyikan (lebih kepada menjerit la sebenarnya). Siap lompat-lompat atas bangku lagi dulu sambil lambai-lambai bendera Malaysia bagai nak rak. Nasib baik zaman tu kurus lagi. Kalau tak .. tak lamalah hayat bangku tu.

Dulu paling seronok sambut merdeka.. zaman sekolah. Biasalah kan.. agenda sekolah hendak menaikkan semangat patriotik di kalangan pelajar sebelum kita semua membesar jadi orang yg sombong dan bongkak dan tak ingat dulu masa kecik makan nasik dan budu/tempoyak/tempe/ulam. Banyak je aktiviti pertandingan menulis sajak, syair, pantun kemerdekaan. Takdelah pulak saya sibuk-sibuk nak masuk skali , tapi seronok juga tengok orang lain bertanding. Kemudian paling saya suka lakonan drama la. Seronok tengok kawan-kawan ini pakai baju ngarut-ngarut berlakon ala-ala drama swasta TV1. Lagi seronok kalau join sekali. Tak kisahlah jadi AJK ke, tuan direktor ke, ekstra yang jadi tukang sapu sampah ke.

Masa duduk asrama dulu pon.. lagilah seronok. Boleh tidur lepas pukul sebelas.. (macam lah tak biasa....curi-curi phone) bile jam tunjuk detik pukul 12.00 tengah malam aje..bergemalah Dewan Sekolah Sains Kota Tinggi tu.. Merdeka! Merdeka! Mungkin zaman umur-umur 16 17 tahun kita tidak berapa faham erti patriotik... tapi seronok ape! Lompat-lompat sana sini, lari-lari (arrr.. betul ke aku lari-lari dengan baju kurung ni kat asrama) .. jerit-jerit. Lepas tu hamik~ Kena hukum diri kat luar asrama dengan warden sebab warden suspek ade budak 'beromen' dekat dalam bilik jahitan. Warden tak sempat nak tangkap almaklumlah.. badan gempal-gempal belaka...

Sebenar-benarnye.. memang ade budak dalam bilik jahitan tu. Tapi kedua-duanya perempuan. Die orang malas aje nak masuk dewan so duduk lah kat bilik jahitan tu. Sebab salah seorangnye rambut pendek, sorang lagi rambut panjang..warden pon terus la pikir ke arah tu. Haihh.. warden-warden ni asik pikir serong je tak habis-habis. Tapi sebab die orang tak nak mengaku. Satu blok asrama tu la kena. Punye la dah biasa kena hukum ngan warden.. so satu asrama selamba je la tidur kat luar sekejab. Macam mana saya boleh tahu perkara sebenar? Sebab budak-budak yandg dalam bilik jahitan itu adalah adik-adik junior kesayangan saya yang sama dorm. Sebab nak protect nama dorm la jugak (nama dorm sudah banyak kali tercemar atas perbuatan-perbuatan kami yang rasional), kemudian sebab bukannya besar sangat salah pon, saya cakap tak apalah. Die orang cerita pon bila dah lepas, malas la nak memanjangkan episod. Nanti tak pasal-pasal kena hukum balik. Warden-warden punya hukuman kadang-kadang tak masuk akal jugak.

Kelakar kan fikir balik semua kisah-kisah lama ini. Terutamanya zaman sekolah. Namun memang tak boleh dinafikan memang seronok sambut merdeka zaman sekolah ini. Ape orang cakap ...'terasa'. Sekarang ini kalo nak rasa balik semangat, keseronokan macam itu dulu untuk Hari Merdeka ini, kena lah cari dalam diri sendiri.

Tuesday, August 30, 2005

Receiving the Scroll - Day 4

Continuing.. I am becoming rather bored. Anyhow.. stay committed dila!

I was way tired when waking up for the Convocation Days... so I woke up with eyes looking rather 'panda'-ish. And I have no moods to put on make up or concealer.. so just what the heck. Let today's good mood replace my 'panda'-ish looking eyes. Instead of wearing very pwitty dwess, I just opted for a simple baju kurung so it is easier for us to wait in the heat.

Thought that we were suppose to go by car and park somewhere near where we were suppose to wait. Then before we can drive out from the hostel area the Pak Guard, was guarding the way out! He asked us to park near the Duyung hostel and walked to the Chancellor Hall. We are all hungry, bleary eyed and still sluggish. But unless we ram down the Pak Guard ( ooohh.. temptationss..) , so we need to park our car and walked with our heavy garb all the way to Pocket D.

When we got there, my friends were now ravenous and they made their way to the so called cafe where they thought they had been informed there are breakfast. Alas, they are none! Some of em are pretty furious and said that if they knew.. we would had bought something to eat and drink. So we wait around the Pocket D ... thirsty,tired,numb. Some of em hot since some of them have to stand where the sun is shining.. wooo. We should be coming in at 9am, but we were suppose to stand around there around 7 am? Sheesh~ So all of us sat around some cross legged, some sat near the bench. Then it was time to go in. I have no idea but suddenly my mortar board (is it spelt right? who cares...), my hat la senang; keeps on wanting to slide from top of head. Stupid thing. Suddenly when we just start to go in, my head shrunk? I have no idea, but it kept on falling off!! It is way too late to do anything about it so .. walk like an Egyptian, I meant like a long ago ladies who practice to walk around with books on top of head.

Went into the hall, scan around to look for my mom. Fat hope with precarious hat on top of head. So we all then just slumped into our seat , looking through the convocation graduates list. It is an enjoyment to know who got First Class or 2nd Class, ... if the goody two shoes you always seen walking around with books and always looked frowningly at you manage to get First Class or are they just in the same class as I am.

The ceremony went quite fast. Without realizing they are calling out the names of the graduates. Since my number is 365... so..still waiting. But I was still busying myself trying to straighten my stupid hat thing. Some bloody girl knocked it off my head... and without apologizing. Ughhh..hate those type of peoples.. the one that bump into you and just charged straight ahead without mumbling sorry or anything like they have 'cirit-birit' or something.

Then it came the Business Information System turn.. uhh.. scared scared. Of course la sensible peoples will think there's nothing to be scared about. Walk, take scroll, smiled, said thank you, walk. Simple aight? But.. what if I had my heels suddenly snap? What if I suddenly falls flat into my face? What if I stumbled on some damn plants/carpet/Dr Mahathir feet? I was feeling giddy... (being starved can do that to me), walked happily to take my scroll, then I take my scroll. Everything was fine. Not! My damn hat is just starting to slip and almost fell down, I gingerly held it while whispering furiously at Dr Mahathir ..

"Dah nak jatuh..".(Its gonna fall off)

Life precious moment could not get more wrong than that. Argh.. Now I had ruined a photographic moment. Not only I am non-photogenic, I am also a failure to be photographic decently. (Lament.. lament). I cannot remembered much after that... some singing.. some speech about not making bribery a habit.. Then it almost came to an end by singing Negaraku anthem. When I was at school, I used to hate singing Negaraku. It is so slow. But when I left school, I missed it. And now singing it again it make me appreciate the schools and government effort to make us sing it again and again and again... it make me felt almost patriotic. (A correct sentiment for August, eh)

Ceremony over. Photography session start. Call my sis to look for my family, and when trying to look around, suddenly somebody call my name softly from behind. I started, then see a good friend was giving me back flowers. I still felt bad till today that I did not manage to get a picture with him or say anything... because I still can't find my family and I got no camera with me and I am in a hurry. Then managed to find my mom and my sis near the library, they were delighted that I got flowers since they didn't buy any. Typical. Nonetheless, my sis did said she tried. Later on manage to find my other sister's and her hubby. My mom was wanting to get a picture at the stage, so we went there in spite the annoucement they are closing the hall. Man... they are not that accommodating eh. Anyway.. snapped about hundreds of pictures and running around chasing my lil niece. So it was a nice day. With my sis camera and Abg Yin very big camera... I felt almost uncomfortable. And since I had paid for the family photo, I waste my day queuing (I can never spelt queue properly) for it. First I tried to wait in the air conditioned hall, but then the photographer was undeniably slow, so I just took a picture outside with my family. Hell, at least the lighting is good even though its hot. Therefore... I am not looking forward to any of my pictures at my graduation!!!

Then my sister, niece and her husband and my mom opted to go back early so that my niece wont throw a fuss. While my other sister Kak Lina and her fiance had to wait for me for ages while I pack. I pack quietly in own room.. trying hard to not feel that disappointed.. why? Oh I do not know.. tell me myself.

Then with shima, we packed our various thing and head back to KL. It felt sad to leave UTP. As Taqi said.. it is full of memories. But I will be coming back, at least for all my other friends who will be graduating next year.

Monday, August 29, 2005

Dinner - Day 3

Saturday

Official lazy day. Got back from 'mamaking' around 4am. And I woke up at 9am! What the heck! And it was raining in the morning. I love sleeping in the morning while it rains. But since I was feverish, bored ( no PC for me to chat with friends or sleepily slaps somebody in MIRC), I woke up to rouse my friends from sleep for some nasik lemak. In vain.. I might add since none of em wanted to get out from bed.

At last they got up from bed... but nearing lunchtime. Everybody was famished, but we decided to first go paid for our overpriced humongous picture frame. By the time they got to the convo fair our eyes is only on the "Nasi Ayam Madu"..(yum..yum... great favorite among us). The convo fair.. as far as I can see year by year.. is getting smaller and smaller. I think the best convofair I ever had was the one when it was held at the Padang UTP near the entrance, there a lot of more variety to choose from. Maybe it is a bit too muddy.. and all cars afterwards looking like a buffalo who had just happily been wallowing in mud.

Met again with Taqi, Asrol and Taymen and some guys/gals unknown to me. Had an enlightening yet unbelievable conversation with Taymen about me and stars in sync with each other. Nonetheless enjoyed the convofair. A great way to know who's going out with whom and to meet peoples too.

Then was ushered by Gon to go to Ipoh in order for us to give tomorrow invitation's ticket to our parents. Gon dropped me off at Hillcity where my family was staying. Hermm.. Hillcity seems a little smaller than what I had remembered. My niece is having a hell of a time. Going up and down the bed, opening every cabinets she could see, broke my bracelets to pieces... (*tsk *tsk). And I got to eat nasik lemak some more! Home made straight from KL. Yum Yum.. Damn.. I must be hungry when writing this post.

Anyhow.. my job is done. Ticket bearer needs to go back to run-down 'hotel' again to get ready for the convo dinner. Yeay! More food! I am among the first one to dress, but I am the last one getting finished getting ready. It was my first time wearing those darn tudung you know. The 'lilit-belit' one. After much pinning around here and there, I am successful... phewww... but then..

We got to the hall. Seen that all of us received door-gifts, goody. Moment of happiness is over by the time I stepped in the hall. There's no seat for us!!! We were finding it hard to get a seat.. that it does not matter that we were not sitting in a group, but just a grab a seat when we find one. After much 'tawaf'ing around the hall, and each and one of us are looking frustrated and I was seriously thinking to go out of the hall in a huff. Not helping when the usherers keeps on coming to us telling us to sit down at any available seats. But there is no any other damn seats in the hall.. when we had already asked oh so nicely. The last straw came when one of the usherers grudgingly sat us at the performer's table....( I am sorry for the performers..truly am, but a gal have got to eat when she got to eat) and one of the minah usherers came at us hissing saying

"If you were expecting to be sitting in a group , of course you can't find a seat".

She needs to thank her God for her lucky stars that I had lost my voice. I only managed to croak out (Oh.. how pitiful my protest are) that we had for God sake, try! I nearly lost my appetite.. nearly .. I say. Really.. it is quite bad to be sitting right at the back... but to be galled about it so much. Luckily my friends is more cheery and upbeat about the whole thing and put me out of my bad humour.

Later on I remembered my friends remarking to each other later on after dinner,

"Did you notice ***, she is so hot lor. Not the type of hot, I want to be.. but still.."

"Did you notice what she is wearing... can you believe that she actually wear that"

You know those type of remarks us girls will make. But I can't say I notice any of what my friends had noticed! I just sat glued to my sit and focus my attention to my food and friends and occasionally someone ( derisive laugh from inner me... occasionally kunun.). And I must say the starters.. is delicious. I am not a big fan of prawn before.. but this.. wow la weh. All the food is OK and by the time it got to dessert I was so full , I was unable to finish it.

The performance/dance/singing was great. The music is nice too... of course la kan since my friend was playing. Then it came to Dr. Mahathir speech. This is the moment I have been waiting for. It looked so unbelievable to see him with my own 2 eyes. And to hear him speaks. He does not speaks charismatically, but he do got charisma and it is something to hear him speak in live. And when he talk about how important it is for us to get a job satisfaction, it is true. No matter how high paying you are.. if you do not enjoy what you did day after day after day.... does all of it are worth it? However... thinking back again.. who gonna pay our bills eh?

When all of its are over... then everybody is clamouring to be photographed with everyone else. Me being not photogenic, without a camera... therefore just sat around.. sometimes taking other peoples pictures and laughing at other peoples behavior when taking pictures and join em when asked. After I had grown weary and my friends had scattered around, I went outside to receive a call.

Got my very first bouquet of flowers for graduation. Thanked the gift bearer.. did I say thanks? Thanks again!!! Things are looking up a bit and I felt a little cheered. I take back chocolate is better than flowers. It is not so much better because any flower is nice and sweet and lovely, but if someone gave me a chocolate and I do not like the chocolate ( I am a fussy chocolate eaters) .. well.. too bad eh....

Then we went to drive around UTP just to refresh our memories and see my old room. And when I got back... it so late, yet all my friends is out again. So I went to my room to rest my feverish and aching head. Bad idea. Called Syuk to woke Snubby up. They recognized the 'bad idea' thingies and asked some questions but received no answers. I downed some Milo O Panas to ease my sore throat and also down some Teh O Ais Limau (Syuk's drink). And they bring me back saying... "Now get some sleep!!"

Notes: Pictures will be added later on. Too malas already. Btw all pics are courtesy of Shima.

Thursday, August 25, 2005

Rehearsal Day - Day 2

It is Thursday today. Hermmm.. only at this exact moment last week I was jumping up and down because I am going to UTP. How far back that moments are. Anyway.. continuing....

I woke up the next morning for the rehearsal with a sore throat and heavy eyes. My friends keeps on barging to our rooms and asking us to wake up. Quickly take a shower.. brrr... am pampered with showering with hot water every morning , it is almost refreshing to wake up with a cold shower. We quickly made our way to Pocket D (where it have all the lecture halls). The akak there is damn fierce. We were ushered around like a bunch of kiddies asking to go here and stand there. When they read out the name for IS students to line up, then I realized.. yippeee.... I am a 2nd class upper. Someone tell me I am paranoid because of course I am. But since who knows, if UTP might had upped the grading level... I am a lowly 2nd class upper. But who cares, at least I am in the same level as my sis.. hehe.

Then we went through the dress rehearsal. Sounds weird. Dress rehearsal. Not like we went out and in changing different dress. A wedding should call a dress rehearsal. But I dare say not so much anyway. Perhaps a Bollywood dance sequence rehearsal. Anyway.. all we need to do is just to sit around and watch a buncha peoples walk. How to walk properly, dress properly, dress our robes... We are all just put our graduation robes like a group of badly dressed darkly garb scarecrows.



After it had finished, we went to eat at V3 cafe since our last residential college cafe had changed. The kakaks and makciks there remembered us with fond memories! One of them remarked:

"Rasa macam dulu-dulu plaks" (Felt like old time)

Of course since we are among the first students living there! Anyhow.. I just ate a little and gone into my friend's room to just have a lil bit of UTP MIRC again. Alas, there's no one there ( no one I knew la...) A couple of person but thats all. I did not stay long since I was horribly feeling sick ; flu and fever at the same time. So on the way to my friend's car, notice my ex housemate and her beau.. Thank God she stopped.. since I was famished~

Getting back to the hostel, everybody is asleep. Me being in my natural habitat, felt wide awake even though my throat felt like somebody had pulled a rake through it. So we went and talks and planned for tonight events! Noo.. not dinner. That is tomorrow night. Girl's night out !

Went to ride with Kai and Lini(ex roommate) since I knew I would be hearing the latest gossip by going into that car. Hehe.. Kai commented on my newly required macholike manly voice. So as usual sitting in their car, I talk less and hear more. Got to Jaya Jusco Ipoh. Damn.. can't believed this used to be the highlights of our week. But hey.. what matter is not the place, but the company.

So I roam around to shop and conquer. Found..nay! Told ya I had exceeded my budget. Got a coupla of decent clothes. I guess I just doesnt have the heart to hand my money to a decent looking thing. Bought myself a Gokusen 2 J-Dorama instead. I blamed the cutest sales assistant. She looked just like one of those Japanese actress... and if I am smitten by her.. imagine the boyss...

Helped my friends to shop around for books and clothes. Look around and seen ghost of myself walking around..with.. well.. I am becoming a sentimental... Anyhowww, while I am trying to browse through my favorite section , I believe one of the patron there who is leisurely browsing through the books let out the most horrible smelling fart. I abandoned my idea and fled the contaminated scene.

Later on we went to watch Charlie and the Choc Factory. Thought it was gonna be boring and full of goody over the rainbow feelings. But nooo... it was delightfully sombre with dark humour and just a right touch of morality to not feel nauseous. And Johnny Depp.. does not look like Johnny Depp!!

Our plan was to haunt convo fair under the starry night.. but then how we managed to go to Tesco.. completely eluded me. I was dragging my feet by that time. Remembered? I was horribly sick, have no voice and have a fever, yet hey.. I am in UTP, there's no time to waste. Got back around 2am.

But hey.. my heart not yet contented. Since I got back to UTP, I had been missing my supper buddies... Phone em up. Now it truly felt like old time again.... almost.

Wednesday, August 24, 2005

Am Officially an Ex-UTPian - Day 1



My convocation was last weekend but I went early to UTP to be there for every events. By Wednesday last week, I was bubbling with excitement with the thoughts of seeing my beloved campus ground again. Even the the peeling paint of Propana is a sight for sore eyes.

Thursday morning came. My friend, Gon picked me up, I was still running around picking things up to be pack. It was raining as if revenge for all the peoples that had asked for rain earlier on during the haze. We can't see anything driving to Gombak. Got to my friend house. Hate to come out of the car... but knowing my friends I will probably run out of oxygen by the time they came out from the house. So there I was dripping with rain except my tudung which are holding the rainwater like I had put candle wax all over it. (behaviors found among weird schoolgirls when I was at school). And then I went inside for some breakfast since I did not have any meal yesterday. Only 1 sandwich since I was freezing with cold and just want to walk around. When it was time to put in all my friend's clothes in the car (still raining), Gon's car door somehow cannot be closed, the latch is stuck. Great.. not only it rains but it pours as well. We got the car to the workshop in the rain, and the Ah Beng there helped us and tried to persuade us to leave the car at the workshop. Of course we can't, we just leave but leaving many thanks for being able to temporarily fix the car door.

Then comes our trip to UTP. Along on the way, I was looking for changes. It had been 8 months. Wow. Noticed that Lagenda at Batu Gajah is no more. I had some sweet moments there. Celebrated my birthday there once with my housemates and friends. Along the way, nothing much changes, some houses had improvement, more shops had been opened on the long deserted row of shops at Mamak Tronoh. Tronoh, the town where time stand stills.



Got back to UTP ...and then ...woo the changes. The Pak Guard little 'pondok' had been changed to something looking like a lavish isolated hotel lobby. And the road going to UTP campus, it is .... Ridiculous with all the roundabout being added. My friend remarked that it probably reflected our UTP much emphasized and wearied upon motto of 'well-rounded'. Anyhow the mosque is spectacular, but it could do with less pillars. Went to the Chancellor Hall to get our robes. Then I went to pick up the frame for my graduation day. I was horror struck. It is SO big. I do not much fancy looking at my own face at the compact powder mirror. This is the size of a frame where usually peoples hang their wedding picture. I am even doubtful I would make my wedding picture this big. I shrugged since the damage had been done. I would just hang my wedding picture in that frame if my graduation picture comes out as ghastly.

Then we go to our lil hotel of Metana and Etana. Now this are actually our first dormitory when we got to UTP in our first year. It is small and looks like a factory stay for workers and the facility sucks. But.. the memories here are all sweet memories and downright laughable too. Maybe I will make a post about that later. We all went to sleep or so we thought. All of us updated each other gossips.. all the boyfriends and exes updated. Who going out with whom. Who still dating whom. Who still going out with whom and still dating whom.

We went to dinner at our favorite haunt. Mami's place we called. It's official name is 'Restoran Deli Planet'. Sadly it changed for the worse, the place is not well kept clean, the waitress is just too damn lazy to even fetch a measly limau nipis (saying instead they had run out of limau nipis). Yeah right... liked we believed that. And the cashier instead of handing my change back beatifically, bang down the change. Horrible. Felt good that I am leaving the place. But looking around at the place near the Tmn Maju where the Pasar Malam and Pasar Ramadhan used to be held. It brings pleasant, lovely yet painful memories too. Every nook and cranny of the place seems to make me remembering him back vividly again. But then.. I pushed the thoughts away. Fun , fun days.. I admonished myself.

Went back to our sad-looking but now lively 'hotel' of Etana. Seems like I am almost back during my 1st year studying in UTP. The little cupboard, no computers so no one was glued at their seats typing, everybody moving around at everyone else rooms, the sounds of laughing, people sitting at bed /reading. Deja Vu all over again. We moan and groan that we needs to be at the hall at 7.30 am to be for the convo rehearsal since everyone wants to go out and have fun, yet I am the last one staying awake since each and every one of us are tired from the journey.

Before I closed my eyes.. I looked at my phone beside my pillows and sighed~

Sunday, August 21, 2005

Just a Thank You Note

I had just got back from UTP. Convocation. I won't make this long because I am tired and listless and have a cold and felt like flinging something out of the window.

However, I do like to thank the 3 gentlemen for bringing me the loveliest bouquets of flowers. I do appreciate it and loved all of em very much. I also like to thank the cutest couple for giving me the cutest red heart 'love'-like graduation wand. And I loved my family for being so patient in the hot sun. And of course to the gift bearers too.. to brave the sun to give me a lil something.. Thank you again.

Thank you for remembering me in my important event. Now.... I need to curse my freaky immune system for failing me yet again.


Notes: I will update about the convocation later on... not today.. it will take too long. When I am not so busy.

Saturday, August 13, 2005

Behind The Images In Your Dreams

I do not think myself as a pyschic or anything. But sometimes things do happen that make we believe in the supernatural. And sometimes dreams are so vivid it make us wonder, had it happened?

Before my father died, my mom remembered having a dream that her neck had been broken. In an old superstition, they say if we dream our neck had been broken we will lose somebody near to us. Then when I was at my 2nd year in the university a friend told me that if we dreamt that we our teeth "patah" (broken) or lose our teeth, we will lose somebody near to us too. I remembered having that dream before my mid term break. In my dream, I was buying things around the Tronoh night market (damn, I miss that) . Suddenly at the palm of my hand there are several teethes!

On the way back to JB, I was fretting thinking will it comes true? Will I lose somebody I hold dear? At home after some days of fun, sleeping and eating... I soon forget about the dream. Just before the mid term end break, my grandfather died suddenly. He had a heart attack and hit his head on the edge of a particularly sharp old fashioned table. The one that you can tear out the splinters one by one. The heart attack and the head trauma had been too much for my 70 year old grandfather. He died on the way to the hospital.

After that, it is not that I felt all of my dream had some meaning. Remembered my dream of the man? That have not even become true.. nor does the opposite of true. But.. I remembered when I dreamt that my friend died in a car accident. I called him a few days later on, to make sure he is OK. Seems like he had almost been in an accident.

Today, I dreamt something horrible happened to him. It is so horrible I won't give the details. I woke up wide awake, reaching for my phone to call him. I was torn between calling a sane person at 4 am , fearing he might not like me acting weird and wanting to reassure myself he is fine and OK. My fear of being thought like a freak won out. Some peoples are just wuss.

I know he is OK. I know it. But I just hope I really know he is OK. Reassuring myself that where ever he are. He is fine and happy. And he should be.

Thursday, August 11, 2005

Sex Education

When will somebody annouce holiday ... I meant state of emergency to KL? Damn, I almost choke when getting out from the office building today. The haze is sooo bad. I do not need to exaggerate since most of you are probably already am choking yourselves while reading my blog.

To get back to the topic above. I bought Cleo today. It is not exactly my monthly read. But I had already exceeded my budget on excessive spending since I am now in a shopping spree looking for niceties even without a discount, so I have to cut down on the book spending. Shocking behavior! Now.. I kept on getting deflected to talk about the topic above.

The first thing I do usually when flipping through Cleo is read the article on She Says and He Says. Entertaining read, really. Then I went to look into the most recommended beauty products...

Okay okay, I will not bore you with my Cleo reading habits. But one my favorite is reading the "Dear {Enter- columnist- cum- adviser- who- probably- never- been- in- psychology- class- pen- name}". It is so fascinating to read peoples griefs and woe stories. Some of em are just plain silly and showy.. you know the type.. that "These 2/3/4 guys really like me... and I do not know who to choose..bla bla". All advise column around the world are filled with these type of problems. Probably columnist had already made a template of the solution. So that is why these type of problem keeps on appearing in the newspaper/magazine. Save the columnist some time.

Cleo also have these Q&A about sex. Now.. this is what I like to read. Because it makes me wonder on how very stupid some peoples are when it came to sex. Something like "We have sex without condom, can I become pregnant?". And when they mention their age, they are about my age! I do not actually condemn them to write in and asked.. since who else can they ask? Our parents? Yeah right. I commend them for posting their question. It sometimes gave really good information... and shed some light on some peoples weird bed behavior. At least they got their answer from a good source. Imagine asking your friends.. it is like the blind leading the blind.

Blind A: " Now.. do you think I should do with the condom or not?"
Blind B: "Naahh.. malu giloz (extremely embarassed) when buying lor, also heard very painful for girl one"
Blind A: "But but... in TV they all do that, it says must have protection"
Blind A: " Aiyooo, you remember or not Biology lesson, have sex right after she finish period and before she start period waannn?"
Blind B: "Can like dat laa?"

Now.. do you find it hard to believe the conversation above? Believe it or not, some of these conversation I had heard before. Not exactly like this.. but 2 or 3 examples crammed into one conversation.

But even then I wondered at some people lack of knowledge. These meant some peoples are ignorant. Ignorant needs to be educated. Even more idiotic, ignorant peoples become falsely knowledgeable and educate other ignorants with idiocy. Now that is why I think Sex Education is a good idea. The argument for Sex Education, is something between a morality and religion issues. The questions posed, will giving peoples information about condom make them more likely to have sex?

To me that is bullshit. Of course condom meant having sex. But if somebody shoved me a boxful of condom, would that make me want to become suddenly sexually active? Hell, no. Even before teenagers know the word condom, they were having sex. That peoples, is actually the more frightening issue here. At my obviously ghetto-like neighbourhood, children as young as 11 had been known to have intercourse!

How fast these kids are advancing ( I shuddered to think when I will have kids). Yet, their lack of knowledge is still the same. And the so called sex education class at our biology/science class is laughable. Of course it is good to know what is scrotum or fallopian tube and how the menstruation cycle work. But thats it. I learnt more from my religious school! Peoples think that religion restrict the mention of sex? The book I was reading had even described on how the husband should make love to the wife!

In our religion upbringing, it is in there we instill the values that we should practice day to day. But other information should also be given into light. And how some venereal disease spreads. How to practice safe sex. Informed that safe sex does not mean not getting pregnant either, it also meant protection against other diseases like HIV and Hepatitis.

Apart from that, how to deflect sexual harassment for the girls. How guys can be more concious that they are causing the girl harm. Where to turn into when something happened; e.g. molested, raped, harassed, untoward behavior by higher authority? You cannot expect a girl of 14 or 15 to know all this. These are all sex education. It is not only the matter of encouraging youngsters to wear rubber.

Now if you were given a knife would you kill?
If you were given a gun would you shoot?
If you were given the rubber would you use?
If you were given information would you practice?
If you were given a chance would you redeem?
And if you were to believe in Him would you fear?

These are then all comes to choices. Only let us relieve ourselves that we had given the best information that they can choose.

Tuesday, August 09, 2005

How to Unwind - My Style

Now.. the few days and week.. had been a turmoil, hectic and headachy. Today is no exception .. but the afternoon... bring a pleasant interval. The phone server was down. That ... my love.. was bliss itself.

But that alone could not eradicate my gloominess . Soooo..

1. Bought a great looking shoe; regardless of the price.

2. Bought something 'pampering'

3. Have a nice long shower

4. Execute favorite long ago pastime - Watch "sex and the city" at the computer while consuming dinner.

5. Cover ears with headphone and bring up the volume of favorite tune..

6. Find out you are losing weight.. !!!

If only I could do more shopping to content my heart desire... I guess thats one of the reason the men have to let the women shop. Or we get cranky. Desperate Housewives..awaits.

Monday, August 08, 2005

Damn it

Now.. who's just deleted my almost post? Damn... do I have to lock my desktop whenever wherever. I lost my mood to post.

Damn it.

Saturday, August 06, 2005

Those were the days....

I wake up around 4 this morn. My work start around 5 am. My friend before this say at disbelief;

"At my place.. only fisherman goes out that early,". Well, KL is after all the city that never sleeps..... yawn.

Anyhow.. My sis was driving me since she wants to use the car. Soo.. she needs to drive me laa.. So while keeping myself half awake, we stopped at the traffic light near Ampang Point.

It is pretty pointless to stop at traffic light at 4 am. If it were in good ol town Tronoh, I would had just urge them to just drive. But this being KL, who knows what drunken fools and stupid racing youngsters are out there gleefully behind the wheel. So we stopped behind this Kenari and Kancil ( our car was a Kelisa). What a nice happy Perodua family. Anyhow I noticed that, the Kancil one was filled with 3 guys. Looks to be around my age, younger I suppose. The driver was laughing and talking with the peoples in Kenari (The Kenari windows are tinted, cant see anything in there) One of the guys in the Kancil are slumped at the back, texting.

As I looked at em, I realized something. They were probably on their way back home after being out (drinking? partying? shaggin?) almost all night. I felt a sudden pang. Here I am on my way to work, starting the day. And these guys are on their way home to go and sleep and wake up when it is noon. And even after they had waken up, I will still be at my office. It just ain't fair I told you. Those guys used to be me ( well... I am/was not a guy.. but you get my drift), usually after I got back at 2am from watching the movie .. then at 3 or 4 am , out I went to hang out at mamak. Then I went back to my room, crash on my bed (kroih! kroih!) just before sun up. Those are my rules of sleeping. I need to sleep while it is still dark. Or my body clock will go haywired and think that my body should be up and raring to go. (yeah right, I am only reasonably concious at 10 am)

Sigh.... Those guys make me felt old. Michael Ooi blogged on how he felt hearing a bunch of kids talking, I felt old at 22 because I rarely experience this anymore.

But wait! I had just this memory flash. Read somewhere that if you felt old.. that shows only how young you are. Goody~

Friday, August 05, 2005

Tango.. Hear it and you will understand this post....

I was not intending to blog today. I was tired. I have a fearful headache. But then.. this is why I had setup my blog initially. To release all pent up emotion.

The thing is I do not know where to start. How laughable. Because I was almost adamant to not blog about him. Almost.. because I have not put layers and layers of concrete into my weak willed spirit yet. I will.. but later on.. not just yet. All previous entry.; all those heartache, confusion.. I chose to left it there because as I told you. Therefore, I can look back and see foolish me again. These came to mind reading on suff blog earlier on.

So once in a while... it is refreshing to not make much sense to my readers cause I myself can hardly think in a straight line. Why all these sudden rush of emotions? Something eventful happened to me? No. I did not meet anyone. I did not come in contact with anyone. Yet... sometimes at one unguarded moment.. when you are listening to a tune.. not those sweet tune.. nor those poignant one either.. its those passionate one. And at that moment.. when I let my hair down and I build my castle in the air...... somebody carelessly thrown to me, his name. I blinked in surprise. My lips parted halfway... wanting to say the name .. slowly. Feeling it again on my lips. How it felt.

Then... just only because of that little thing, I was restless for a day or two. My mind went into a feverish pace.. what had been said between us, what had happened. I do not seems to want to seek an explanation... it is just there.. I can't explain it. I simply can't. It is beyond me. Its like some secret creature that wants to claw out ... and I kept on beating it down with a stick... and yet felt that I could not bring myself to do it. But yet I continue to beat it and at the same time shed tears over the poor creature.

Women are strange creature. She can perfectly reasonable when peoples does not want her to be and be unreasonable against all logic and sense.

I am tired.

Wednesday, August 03, 2005

Ain't A Fairytale.. Ain't A Sob Story Either

This ain't a fairytale. You had been warned.

The girl met him one cold dark night. Somebody had pitched to her the idea of eating together with some strangers. Being young and foolish.. she nodded and agreed. She dressed carefully, wearing her dark shroud as usual. Giving her identity as the one as obscurity.

Went to wait by the block with a couple of friends. They discussed on how they might found the strangers. Pleasant? Sneering? Have a sense of humour? Then she saw someone walking towards them in a fast pace. She was never the sort of person that can judge peoples quickly by a first look. Gave him one lookover. Looks cheerful enough. Maybe the night won't be such a bore anyway, she thought.

They went to dinner and she was shocked to found more strangers greeting us... she gave a small smile. Slumped to her seat eating her food ... steeling herself to be oblivious to all by stubbornly sticking her eyes to watch the news even though she can't hear a thing. Later on to the movie. The movie was making her cry, but held herself back from showing so apparent a feeling to a complete stranger. The other girls was laughing, the guys was joking, she was silent. She then did not gave him any more thoughts, nor his friends. Got back to campus in the other car later on.

Going online in the campus, the girl can see everywhere his nick. He is virtually everywhere ::wink:: Nonetheless, she kept to her own circles of friends and stay out of his. How mistaken some peoples misguided intention are.

Forward a year or few months. she then met a guy who she thought made her world go round and round. Typical love story. Guy met gal. Gal fall, guy get flattered and believe him falling too. Then.. as coincidence would have it, the typical guy brought the girl to meet his friends. Little would the girl know how great this chain of events will be. The friends turned out to be the stranger from the long ago night. She laughed at the coincidence and made a truly honest effort to be friends with the friends of her belovedest then.

Forward few months again. The typical guy turns out a failure. Giving the girl misery and unhappiness. She sought comfort in his friends. They understand him, thus understanding on what she were going through. The girl are even more appreciative of these friends. They kept picking her up again and again when she is down and gloomy and don't care a rat ass about own self.

The guy is now history. The friend is now present. He is there when there's no one to help. History repeats itself again and again... Nonetheless he always there to support whatever decision she chooses, no matter how disastrous that turned out. He's there when he knows the girl are crying in agony but are too ashamed to let her feelings known. Sometimes she failed him, and sometimes he failed her.

She is laughing again. Sometimes crying. Sometimes silent. Sometimes sulky. Yet she knows, if she picked up the phone... and called him.. he would always answer in concern. Even if sometimes he is too busy and laughing with his big circle of friends.

This post is specially dedicated to Snubby, a dearest friend.. since he kept on hounding me to say something about him here. Baahh.... hehe... and I guess only you knew when I told you about the great chain of events eh? Now... Snubby..left a comment here so that I know and have proof that you read my 'karangan' (essay)!!!!

Tuesday, August 02, 2005

Hazy Tuesday

See on mental notes for calendar on own head.. Tuesday.

Everybody usually have their bad day. Mine is Tuesday. Ever since I was a wee girl of 11, I noticed every things that I liked least happened on Tuesday. For almost I can remember Tuesday is where I will have Maths , Physics, Additional Maths..all those mind boggling subjects classes... on Tuesday. Peoples always get unreasonable on Tuesday. Today is Tuesday. ~Sigh.

Today the calls coming through not so heavy, nonetheles.. got a coupla callers thats really really stubborn in getting technical help even though I am getting nowhere with em. It takes me almost 5 minutes to get him to save registry backup files.... and you want to guide him through deleting stuffs through the registry files? My lunchtime is 2 hours ago!!! And I had to postponed it because some callers just think that by phoning technical support you can solve almost anything. Granted most problems can be solved.. but sometimes it require extra help and any amount of words I sputter out.. it will be the same. But I thank my lucky stars they are still gracious even though stubborn.

Throughout the day got a headache and needs to clutch own head while grappling with customer's woes. Couple with missing my lunch... my head was going round and round dizzying me while trying to stop myself saying "I don't care".

4.45pm. Got out... got a couple of wolf whistles and some not so lewd yet very off putting remarks on the way to KLCC to wait for sis. Swore silently under breath. May they be struck by lightning. ~Sigh..

Went to KLCC to buy lemonade to cure my aching head. Went out to wait for sis at the front. From the Philharmonic Hall.. it looks like rain. Got out from the air conditioned hall. Haze. Chokeful of ashes flying merrily around. Contemplate to go back inside. Too much trouble. Just wait while sipping lemonade. Look around,even when I am right at the front of KLCC I cant see much of KLCC. Saw tourists trying to take photographs of the Twin Towers. Not everyday you can take a picture of that, I thought. The air is gasping though. I had sneezed several time, endure hours of these would gave a healthy person an asthma attack. 15 minutes later , I can see my sis car.

On the way up to the elevated highway, I can see the sun looking like a moon drenched in blood. Visibility is very poor.

Tuesday. Thats what it does to you. ~ Sigh ~

Monday, August 01, 2005

The Fly

I am not much into letting myself goes in term of anger. I have pretty good anger management skill. Hahaha.. right!

My friends knew I am angry when they saw a dangerous gleam in my eyes and I was surprisingly silent. I am the kind of person who generally laugh herself silly on every little thing such as seeing ... ar I can't think of an example.. but I even smile as I shit. Not a pretty picture. Anyway. When I am not smiling or laughing genially that only means...
  1. It is early in the morn. I AM NOT A MORN PERSON! Needs to find job that have late hours... perhaps bargirl as such? I heard the tips are great.
  2. I am really freaking mad... kinda like having a B.F (Bitch Fit) but in a boiling silently as those advanced looking kettle nowadays.

Normally girls are the one that get on my nerves. Maybe because, I am a girl (obviously)so normally are close to girls. Being close to peoples generally opened your eyes if that person is worth your time or not. In term of guys, if a guy turn me off.. I can just scamper back to my belovedest friends and 'sembunyi' (hide) behind their back.

So.. now without the shield of my friends... I am left alone fending for my own. Damn. Does not help when girl friends are scarce nowadays especially in my workplace. Does not help either to be sit near the most irritating man I met on my life. Ah yes... . Why is he irritating? Why is fly irritating if it comes to that? It kept on hovering around... buzzing around your ear.. contaminate you foods.. messing your appetites. Kinda like dat laa. Poor guy to be likened to a fly. But damn pesky lor. Cannot tahan already.

This guy.. in a small dosage is tolerable. But imagine sitting near him. Argh.. Not that I am ungrateful. He does helps me a lot (sometimes even when I do not want his help)... he is capable in his job. That is as much praise I can give him. But when it came to be the role of being a normal breathing human guy... I think something had gone wrong somewhere. He must had been blasted off by radioactive material probably in Perak.. (do not know if he had gone there, I will assume) that destroyed all his good sense genes and had left him impaired with so much irritating traits. I am not normally a profane person... but I am whenever I thought about him.

At first, I will just feigned ignorance.. as anybody might ignore a fly. Shoo it. Escape to non-fly area route. But sometimes that when you almost think you are safe. Bam! The Fly ruin your mood/sleep/leisure activity/conversation/shower.

Then one day, I was busily minding my own business ...Thump! He non-accidentally gave a push my chair . Not so quite violently, but hard enough to make me started. Then like a normal human being... 'sound'(remind oh so gently) him.

"Hey... don't push laa"... while glaring murderously.

Also won't work. Probably by the radioactive blast he have superpower; e.g. thick hide. By showing displeasure he thinks I am pleased kah? The Fly had the audacity to retort back grinning:

"At least I did not push you off the chair" (Translate from Malay)

I was like.. bloody hell. And I won't say 'fuck him' either. Coz.. I bloody does not want to. And he thinks I like it? Shit, man. I am pissed. I am this close (show itsy lil fingers) to slam dunk my chair to his lousy head. Arghhh.. the things normal human being have to endure not to become Hulk Hogan.. arr I meant Incredible Hulk.

Also laaa.. what makes him think I would want to go out with him after all the above.. and.. After repeatedly, I repeat... repeatedly decline to go out with him in any place or anytime. Now.. if a guy asked the 2nd time after being decline, it is OK. If a guy asked a 3rd time, without any hint from the girl, or if the girl did not offer to make it up... Gave it up already laa. "She is just not into you" as to quote the book.

Now.. anger is refreshing. I am Zen now (whatever that means). I am in peace with nature and all living things. Do not have any natural inclination to hurt own species anymore.... until own species try to throw me off my chair again.

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