Saturday, February 26, 2005

Peanut Butter Sandwich

Such a bland tasty topic.. Why why dila? I just feels like it. It is sometimes said, that you are turning crazier if you refer yourself as a 2nd person. You completely lost it if u refer urself as a third person. How you do it? I have no idea.

I just have my late night snack of peanut butter sandwich. Damn, just typing the words gives me the urge to lather it again on the bread. Yum yum.. I liked peanut butter sandwich. Ever since I was little girl wearing shorts and skirts.
I remembered when I was at school at Australia. I was in standard 2 at the time. Most of the little girls and boys there brought our own packed lunch in a paper bag. Only a few of them buy it from the cafeteria. But then, there is not much a cafeteria since all of the students eat our lunch outside under the trees or on a bench swinging our little legs happily or if it is too cold (winter) we ate in class. At brunch break, at about 10 a.m every morning, any students who is not happy on what their moms packed for them can come in front of the class asking to exhange, "Would anybody exhange my apples for their lunch?" That is pretty much the dialogue. I used to do it once, out of curiosity. To see how does it feels. I am very much an experimenter then =p~
The lunch my friends then liked to exhange is peanut butter sandwich. Everytime anyone ask to exhange their peanut butter sandwich, I remembered secretly wishing I can have their lunch. But I never did offered since I have this weird thoughts or concepts that anyone eating peanut butter sandwich is totally uncool. No cool kids ever wants it. I still remember their face twisted with agony with the thoughts that their moms had packed these dratted lunch again which they hate and wish to dispose of. I think most of them had been drilled on finishing their lunch or get punished or something. Because NOBODY at that time would want peanut butter sandwich. It is not cool to eat it. Nor if someone willing to exhange it. If nobody willing to help them out of this helpless predicament, then they would have to finish it themselves but with a sullen look.

It is laughable when I thought about it now. I think most of them would remember those days with a smile too. Where the worst thing can happen to your day is when your mom packed you a peanut butter sandwich for lunch. I still havent figured out why most of the kids on my class at that time hate that dratted lunch. Perhaps peer pressure drove us to it, to hate that particular lunch meal since it signifies uncoolness =p~ Why is it uncool? I still have no idea. It will remains my great mystery of life

Friday, February 25, 2005

I'm not in the mood la honey

I doesnt feel like writing or typing (whichever way you chose to look at it). But I don't know.. I have to try to update right. As for the Bachelor stuff, Jesse havent pick yet either Tara or Jessica. Both of em are great. I will stands in my opinion that Jessica girl is way too young at 21 to get married. If a man no matter how handsome or rich would ask me to marry him at that particular time, I would decline. You will spend 40 or 50 years (if it lasts) with someone, the thought of spending it everyday with that same person can be choking.. even to me right now. Just enjoy being you, yourself and yours truly for a while.

I had got back from a job interview. I dont pin high hopes for it.. since I fumbled a few times, yet the experience is worthwhile. But let just see aight? During the interview, met up with several hopeful jobless graduate too. And it is kinda nice to get to know and strike up acquantainces with peoples your own age again. The conversation that we had while waiting for our name to be called out to get into the rooms and face the executioner.. arr I meant top manager, surely lighten and chased away the nervousness.

Well... certainly the mood.. havent still got into me. So I wanna stop and try to write again laters. If this post is a little dull.. becoz it is and I am feeling dull ~ Yippee..

Friday, February 18, 2005

A Day Like This

A time for me to write aimlessly again. Hurray for no points whatsoever!

Oh yeah, the Bachelor updates. I felt myself feeling lonely and hopeless as I watch this sweet girls hearts being broken. I am getting MELLOW. This time all three (Mandy J, Jessica and Tara) have incredibly wonderful individual dates. But I have to say Tara is the loveliest of all the dates, and in only that date I can see something close to awe and adoration in our Bachelor guy's eye. Trish shows unexpectedly and hands down the key to her bedroom. Probably to prove to Jesse her prowess. But of course he deny. (I wouldnt be so sure he would deny if he is not in national tv). And the one he sent packing this time is Mandy J. It is to be expected. He is not as smitten to her as he is smitten with Tara. This time it is too obvious. But who knows right. It is of course a dating show.

As for today, it rained! It felt so cooling, so nice, and I actually smell all the nice sweet smell of rain. My sekolah agama teacher, who use to teach me Tauhid I think, used to tell us to smell the rain whenever it rains in one of her lessons. I always like her. She is quite hip and happening for a religious teacher. She always brought to school her colorful see-through bag and wears this big watch where teenagers my age dulu like to wear. She is one of my favorite religious teacher. Ok. Make it the only favorite religius teacher. The male religious teachers I encountered is somewhat perverse. I remembered there is one teacher who always call me away from lessons to his office or his classroom and try to talk to me about sex. I used to sneakily try to get past him. But if he can't find me anywhere else, he will ask some student to fetch me. I guess one of the teacher had a suspicion when she sees my pained face and obvious reluctance whenever a student came to fetch me saying this teacher wanted me. Ugh, I always blocked that conversation with him in my memory. I have becoming quite good in blocking memory. I can't remember any of it now. I do remember I always try to make sure that I was never completely alone with that perverted man. I hate men. I hate men using their authority to expand their lecherous behavior. I just hate them.

Monday, February 14, 2005

Love is in the air ..

That is what keeps popping on the television nowadays. I don't see any love around here. Heck, I would just have to trust the news then.

It is always fascinating about how we Malay Moslem treat Valentines day. Of course we get various emails saying.. " Do not celebrate Valentines day.. it is very un-Moslem like to do so ", Well.. you get my drift. Back in my state of non-single entity days , my bf never gave me any Valentines day. Not one of em. Zilch. They always quoted what they read on the emails.. saying it is not so great about celebrating it. I had got my only Valentines present from a Christian lesbian. And it is a great present. A really cute,fluffy,soft teddy bear. I will give them to my kids later on in life. Won't my kids find it hysterical to hear where I got it from? It just proves that girls are really good at buying presents. No matter what their preferences are.

And what is really interesting or should I say ironic, when these guys are no longer together with me, they kept on saying how jealous they are when seeing guys carrying flowers to their gfs, or how they wish they have a 'girl' to do something special. But I just left them at their own whimsical nonsense thoughts of what-things-that-might-be-but-usually-not-what-they-will-do-anyway.

Tuesday, February 08, 2005

I have nothing worthy to say

Today is like any other day.. only that I hear Tom and Jerry are playing at the tv. Herm.. That is not everyday occurences, tomorrow my siblings will come home. It will certainly make this medium sized house a bit merrier. Not that it is not merry now with my brother and I hurtling insults at each other every hour of the day. Perhaps this is our distorted way of showing that we care?

My family had never been a sentimentalist. I can't remember when I ever heard the word LOVE actually being uttered here. Not that we are less loving. But perhaps we are less loving than some family. I cannot really know. I never been a part of another family. And if I ever would heard someone say I love you in this house, I swear I will go out of the house and try to acknowledge if I had enter a wrong house. I guess WORDS had never played a big part in this family. But perhaps I think action do this for us. Showing each other in our freaky way.. that we do care. I don't like talking about my family. I had broken up with one of my bf(s) becoz he say something about my sister that I don't like. Well.. part of the reason (grin), he is utterly boring and very superficial and very sentimentalist (Perhaps that is why sentimental guy never bode well with me). I guess it is true what some of em said, we can say anything discriminating about our family, but to heard it from other people it is not acceptable.

Friday, February 04, 2005

We Are Poor Souls..

snubnozze: blogging for ppl yg nak express diri die sbb die lonely.. are we all lonely? We cannot find consolation in other person therefore we turn our thoughts to this inanimate object?

I Am..A Deity to My House

The title along suggests I am a social outcast.. or pariah? Whut thats social pariah meant btw? Pray.. anyone tell.. Cast that aside..

Another week of The Bachelor - Jesse. Drama. Love. Tears. Guns. Thats what had been happening. Guns you see? Pretty unusual. Noo... none of the ladies had started shooting the Bachelor yet in frustration/revenge/fit of passion. It is just this week.. He is meeting with 4 of the girl's family. All of them are pretty nice. One of the family are kinda.. well.. obsessed. Mandy J (one of the eclipsed contestant) was Miss Teen USA Texas. And that is what they kept on talking about .. as if she doesnt have any other redeeming qualities. And to put pageant souvenirs and prizes and memorabilia at some sort of an altar.. is wrong. It just looks something to be worshipped at. And perhaps it is great and everything.. nonetheless.. she must find out what other quality she have other than winning a beauty pageant. And Tara's dad first impression is by holding a M-16. I have to say , he got style! And Tara is pretty good at shooting too. I am impressed. Chick with gun.. hmmm. But.. AT LAST, Jesse have ousted out Trish the Bitch. At first I thought she was going to accept it graciously. Just when a tinge of respect came sneaking into my head, she said "It is not over". She came for the man.. she gonna have it. Herm.. can't wait. Only the good girls left now. Maybe some other nails will be scratching some one elses.. Ahhh.. women!

Cast senseless reality show asides too. Now books! I have nothing else to do (read the topic). I am but chained to my house on my own willingness. When I went to my uncle's petrol stationg last Monday.. and felt the sun glaring through my skin, I thought.. "God, I hadnt felt that for a long time". It was hot, nonetheless it is a pleasant feeling. Perhaps that is what prisoners must felt.

Back to the topic of books. I had read many books. My head is whirling with all the characters name,experience, deceptions. But I won't bore you nor tire myself in typing all of them. Due to the advanced state of boredomness, I had pick out "A Portrait of A Lady" by Henry James. It is one of the classics. I had first read the book when I was 13. I can't get myself to finish it until now. I still stand as in my opinion when I was 13 that the book quite boring. Nonetheless, after reading about 150 pages (with great difficulty), the story speeded up and become hard to put down. And when it ended.. I was so mad I was about to throw the book right out of the window. Perhaps thats why it became one of the literary classics? Hermm. The main character Isabel, at first was so fine, beautiful, high spirit etc etc.. and at last became this bewildered thing ... with not enough courage to mettle it out. Isabel as a character maddened you, she did everything a heroine should not. And I was a bit satisfied that she married the wrong guy.. and all her assumptions, her thoughts are proven wrong. Someone who determined to face an obstacle alone, and finding out the decision, the reasons is all wrong afterward is quite pathetic and dissapointing all the person who loves her most. Ralph Touchett, Isabel cousins is a character I fell in love with. He is weak.. imperfect.. yet there is so much of a good person inside of him. All of the character are imperfect. No one is heroics. No one set things right. It is indeed a book I deem as one that portrays it characters beautifully. After getting past the first 150 pages.. (The author felt it must be necessary we should be full acquainted with all the characters traits before getting into the event of things)

My brother is now pacing the outside of the room restlessly. Therefore I must let go of the keybpard. Until then....

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