Thursday, February 23, 2006

Seize the Moment

I had a dream last night. Just as so someone wouldn't misunderstand me when I say 'Mimpi Best' :p, Nooo. Not that dream lar. Actually it is more harmless than what he perceived.

I dreamt I was interacting with this guy. We were not doing anything for your information to the dirty minded. More like planning on some events and he bake cake (I must be really hungry even when I slept) and I woke up when our hands touch. The guy? The tall, fair looking, longish hair. (The type I usually catch myself lookin at). And I really hate to wake up because that guy is so familiar to me.

Thinking back when on my bed. I remembered who the guy my dreams reminded me of. I did not dreamt of him actually. More like someone look like him. Better looking. (Well, it is my dream. I can make my dream guy as handsome as I want whut).

Anyway. I got to thinking that we had not contacted each other for a long time. And who's fault is that? Me or Him?

I noticed him when I was first being interviewed at my previous company. Really. Romantic stories? Not. No romance in this stories. Kinda like my head went "Hey, he's cute".

Then when working there, I am glad to know he is not among the peoples who irked me. You know. The always hanging beside you asking embarrassingly pointed questions that wanted to embarrass you. Or the bored looking one looking askance at the new employee.

He is the friendly type who smiled whenever we chanced one on another. Just smile and laughed whenever I was doing stupid things on a job or helped me on when I am stumbling with the many many files I had to store. So a decent soul with a look to boot! 1 point there.

Then I was transferred to his department. We come in much better contact and got to know each other better. He was highly amused with my ability to guess his age with 1 guess. But I am a bit shy with guys I like so I just stick around with the girls. I don't want to invite gossips too. So why searched for disaster right?

So before I resigned, he reminded me several times to give me my number since I always forget. I did. And when I went back to the office to pass up some things, he ask me to call him. Which I never did.

We did sms. But I found out he played my kinda game. I sms you first. Then later on, you need to sms me back first. He sms me first one day. I sms him first the next week. He sms me first the next week after that. And I never did after that . I guess I want to see if he does really want to sms me.And he didn't.

So telling my friend of this guy on how we ceased to sms each other. He asked . "Then , why don't you? Contact or sms him again."

Several months had passed already when I told my friend this. I think a little and said. " The moment has passed. It is too late now."

I guess I did missed the train then. Did I regret it? It would be fun to think of the what might have been. However, no. My heart do not sink considerably when I think of this guy. (only other guy :p) Regret? No. Not the might have been of the romance thingies. Only the might have been of discovering on how much fun is he.

Tuesday, February 21, 2006

Memes or Tag. It comes in 4.

I had been tagged yet again by both Shu and Kran on the same tag. Since both are actually the same saved for slightly different topics and all, so this is the combo of it. Here it is:

Four Jobs I've Had:
1) Trainee at BCF
2) Trainee at Petronas Carigali
3) Tech Support thingies at McAfee
4) Babysitter (count eh.. )

Four Movies I Like or Can Watch Over and Over:
1) While You Were Sleeping (Yes , yes I am a hopeless romantic.. moving on please)
2) A Few Good Men (The time when Tom Cruise was considered The Hotness, sigh)
3) Sky High (So I am childish.. yeah so?)
4) Silence of the Lambs. ( Herm, Clarice~)

Four Places I had Reside/Lived/Spent Some Time of My Life:
1) JB, Johor
2) KB, Kelantan
3) Bentong, Pahang
4) Canberra, Australia

Four Television Shows I Loved to Watch:
1) CSI
2) Gilmore Girls
3) Grey's Anatomy
4) Reality Shows featuring beautiful girls (Survivors is out since all girls there are scruffy and dirty and beauty with makeup had been proved exist)

Four Places I Have Been On Vacation:
1) Barcelona, Espana
2) London, UK
3) Sydney, Australia
4) Pangkor, Perak. (Okay, okay I will just add in Malaysia's tourist spot just to show to peoples that I actually do want to boost Malaysia tourism)

Four of My Favourite Dishes:
1) Nasi Goreng Cina - Mom's Style
2) Hotdog: Bought from Giant/Carrefour, in cafe, 1901, Ramly Burgers
3) Spaghetti Oglio
4) Roti Kosong , 1 dengan sambal ye !

Four Websites I Visit Daily:
1) My Blog. Then all the links you see there I went in daily. Well almost daily.
2) Mail.yahoo.com
3) www.hotmail.com
4) www.msn.com -> Latest Gossip (::grins::)

Four Places I Rather Be (Than Here):
1) At home. (KL)
2) At home (JB)
3) Sitting in a restaurant. Eating. Preferably not alone.
4) Somewhere I rather not say but think. ::wink::

Four Albums I Can't Live Without:
1) Soundtrack from Moulin Rouge
2) Soundtrack from Mr and Mrs Smith
3) Peterpan Album (So?)
4) YoYo Ma (Tango ..something can't remember)

Four Vehicles I Own:
1) My little wooden car on my drawer table.
2) My trusty BMX bike which had now probably been recycled to canned goods
3) My little red roller skates. Wheeeee~
4) Okay Okay. Sooo. I never owned a vehicle. The motor kind. Who owns 4 anyway?

Four Bloggers I Tagged (Jeng.. jeng.. jeng):
1) Lee (Just for the hell of it, so you had been tagged twice of the same thing by me and Shu)
2) Snubby (Bcoz I know you don't have anything to do)
3) Yoda (When his port had been opened.. hahaha)
4) Dueng (Bcoz .. I dunno).

Sunday, February 19, 2006

PMS

You know how guys like to blame gals who are in a bad mood because of PMS? And you know how gals can give lame excuse for being horrible because of PMS?

To tell you the truth , there is a grain of truth for that. Some guys went on and on, why does it happened? Why does their gf suddenly lashed out at them? To quote Vincent, its not their fault that we are bleeding.

Those kinda remarks is a bit irritating. And usually girls will say... "No , I am not!!!" which of course after saying this, the girl will then look like Medusa , where in spite of hair of snakes, she will have hair like fires, and eyes slit menacingly and the guy who had just before this been complaining of PMS took a step back and mumbled about something like "Dunno" or "Gotta go".

I don't like blaming things on PMS. But sometimes despite trying to deny the fact of life, I saw that I can be a tad bit emotional during those PMS times. I mean really emotional. And really bad moodiness. Which of course , I would make this up to the person I did horrible things to! I promise! Really! I don't mean to be such a pain really. Estrogen you know. Gotta blame those.

Anyway. As much as I can admit that my estrogen can get a hold of my life sometimes. It is really more annoying if a guy wanting to have that excuse. Noo. I don't meant a guy wanting PMS of their own. Its more like, we are like pissed off because he is late/ did not kept promise/ did a really horrible thing. And he goes on and on in this understanding tone " Ohhh... Is it that time of the month, I should have known. I meant I have calculated it. And I should have been more understanding to you during this hard time.."

I can just sputtered. I meant. Like. What? I am not PMSing. Even if I were. Its got nothing to do with it in the first place. Whenever a guy will say that kinda thing while we are actually restraining ourself from wringing their neck, I felt like stamping up and down and say ..."Nooo, No. This is your fault. You ain't not gonna blame this on my hormones. All of this blame is going on you. Since it is your fault in the beginning."

Tuesday, February 14, 2006

Crap

Valentines day. Yeah, right. It really does irk me when peoples say 'kafir la sambut Valentine day'. When actually this kind of peoples ( I am of course talking about Moslem) is the one boozing and clubbin and think women are toys. Excuse me, while I puke when you lectured me about. Man , I don't need that kind of lectures from that kind of peoples.

You know what? Sod it. I don't feel like blogging anyway. Not about Valentine. Not about going back to JB. Not about feeling shitty because of something that I couldn't comprehend on what's the hell went wrong or gone bad.

Why? As I always say. Does anyone ever care? Really? You care an uppance of what I might say? Or you are just trying to find something to twist me around and let me writhe? Let me just laugh.

Sunday, February 12, 2006

What?

There are many times I blogged when I don't have any topic in mind.

I probably have in my mind like half a dozen. But they were all .... unusable. In term of, fear of expressing myself which may lead others to think otherwise. This would then bring me even more discomfort.

This human to human relationship. Family to family is easy yet somehow tasking. You can't choose your family. Therefore they are force to take you as you are. All those weakness and messiness and ugliness of characters . Nose picking and walking around nekkid and throwing towel on the floor things. Tasking , yes. But acceptance is necessary.

But.. sometimes our family don't suffer the brunt of all our characteristics. Beside family to family relationships. One of the most incredibly hard is other peoples and you.

They don't know who you are. They are no mind readers. We don't know what they think of us too. And it is frustrating at least. Of all superpowers of superheroes I envy, is mind reading. But it must be heart breaking to have that. To know if somebody truly hate you. To know the sadness and pain of others while you are barely holding your own.

So come this moment where other peoples actually have this choice . If you will have that pass into their life. It may not agree with you. But it is their life. You have to give them that. And you don't want people in your life who is inside fighting nail and tooth to get out. You give them this choice to go. But some wanted somebody else to make that choice. So you wait.

As what I read in Tuesdays with Morrie which a friend had lent me in hoping I could see the light. ;p Hah! Right! Like a book gonna change my whole characteristics :P ( but thank you, it is a lovely book and made peoples think, a little) . Anyway the Professor inform the Student. Sometimes in life we are caught in the middle. Two external forces are pulling us in the opposites way. Constantly pushing and pulling. Building a strain to those at the middle. The Student ask which side wins. The Professor smilingly replied, "Love always win". Oh.. it sounds so beautiful. Yet, does it really? Then where does bad choices came from? My 23 plus years could not comprehend this. Youth can be such a despairing stage sometimes.

I love the peoples who I called my friends and who called me as friend. They had accepted me for who I am. All those messiness and ugliness of characters. I accept their weaknesses and failings too. We may not agreed on em. Doesn't meant we love each other less.

Haih.. I miss my housemates.

Wednesday, February 08, 2006

The Bachelor

Oh, the time has come again! Remember around this time last year I got so hooked on The Bachelor and I gave weekly commentary on it?

Well, I don't really like reality shows. But really. This I gotta see. Last year Bachelor is kinda like a wuss to me. This year. Wow. I like. Definitely my type. He is an ER doctor. If I am hospitalised, I want him to be my doctor.

Seriously, very cute. The way he talks reminded me a lil bit of Logan from Gilmore Girls. By the way his name is Travis. And why ar, whenever they showed the Bachelor having a good time, it must be playing football and running around with dog. How typical and boring. Probably if it is the Bachelorette, it will shows the girl walking down the beach , at almost sundown, one hand holding back wind blown hair. ::yawning while remembering image::

And it made me remembered, reading the profiles of all the girls on the perfect date, half of them said something around like candlelight dinner, or sitting at fireplace, or spa, or walked down the beach. I meant really? You really think you enjoyed it?

Candlelight dinner - it is hot, and you can't see your date well, and you sure damn well can't see the menu well and probbaly just jab something to the waiter blindly. If it is outside, definitely no kipas , so mosquitoes bit you. Never sexy.
Sitting beside a Fireplace - Oh just come right out and say you want to have sex.
Spa - This is so like a girly adventures out. Guys would be bored out of their mind. Unless you are dating a metrosexual of course.
Walk down the Beach - So overrated. Only walk is it? Man, I will put it to swinging from a rope from a tree and went splash down into the sea. Now thats fun. Walked? Nah. You get all sandy and sweaty without the fun of bathing. Blargh!

How fun. I think I am gonna compared the profiles again and see if he picked some these boring women.

Anyway.. this time around I promised I won't give weekly commentaries on it. And this time around the Bachelor seems to like brunette. Got a few blondes. The usual models. But the dark haired one really shine. I meant they are beautiful. I don't envy his position. Wait, probably most guys envy his position.

You got to meet beautiful women. Got to choose the most beautiful and most you liked and rejecting others withouts the girl saying something like "You liar". Since this is a game. It is simply a game. The girls get all jealous and all lament and cried and us viewers felt like screaming "You already agreed to go on a date with a single guy along with 25 others. Get over it!!". But what is reality show without a lil drama eh.

I got some of my favorite girls. I like Susan . She's really beautiful and always smiled even though not so cool. I like Sarah, the Canadian girl. She's really cute and showed herself a bit different from others. I liked Moana, since she's hold a little something back and seems surprised. The others, I need to wait and see first.

Oh yeah I am hooked.

Monday, February 06, 2006

Another rant going your way to make your Monday

An update is pending since you know , weekends meant update. And the weekend is over. Officially over now. As of so many things.

I am feeling a tad blue today. Not feeling so hot since got back from picnicking at Air Terjun Tekala (or whatever it called).

Right now I am feeling oh so disgusted with a guy. I meant why... why.. does he pick me! Blargh. No. I am not talking that he is displaying something like an interest to yours truly. But he is just so interested in talking about his gf (whom I couldn't care less), his opinion on women (which I think is crap since he is one of the lowest of the low guys I ever met), or being his helpdesk tech know it all asking everything from torrent to 3gp files. Pleaseee. I am so tired of being ask techie question on my job, I want to forget it all when I am at home.

I felt like ranting. Why? Oh why would anyone ask anyway. I meant some peoples just misunderstood half of what I say, some peoples couldnt care less. Now lets pick a topic to rant about? There is so many, but really... I don't have the energy of it. Now snubby is asking me now:

snubnozze: apsal ko mcm tak bermaye nih

Herm, why? Perhaps because I am feeling like crap, mentally and physically? Perhaps because an information that had just been relayed make me feel so ... losing hope? Perhaps because so many guys in the office (my office are dominated by guys btw) are worrying about what to get for their gf on Valentine's day and kept on asking me what I will get while I know if I got as much as a Hello it would be my lucky day? On why does I keep on meeting these type of guys? These kind of guys who used me for an outlet to tell of their grievances with their gf, and showered me with praises and shoved me back in a corner when they are back together? I am so tired. Please. I just knew it when I saw their sms blinking. Which I know meant , " I got a problem with my chick, and I kinda like you, so come on.. hear me out, even though when I will be back with my gf in a sec , I will just leaved you alone without any greetings for months afterwards with an occasional hello from YM or the obligatory Raye and Birthday SMS". Some of them even make an annual event out of em. Crap.

Please. Let me just contend with one. Because the rest doesn't think much of me anyway.

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