Thursday, June 30, 2005


Bengangnyeeeee... aku cakap tanak dgr... Lagi potong aku cakap. Aku cakap.. duk potong2.. pastu tak paham2.... wargh.. bape kali nk dgr/ckp ni.. aku dah marah gegile ni.... tapi gelak je.. warghhh.. marah laie...

Terpaksa... overtime sebab die.. wargh wargh.. dh lewat dh ni.. wargh

Tuesday, June 28, 2005

I am going deaf~

I am partially deaf.. and being in a job that needed every particle of concentration when a customer is talking is really really a strain. Probably thats why the doctor said my blood pressure is kinda low. Well.. if high blood pressure = stress, low blood pressure = you dont have enough stress in your life? You don't have excitement anymore? Granted my life is humdrum just for the moment.

And today... I was almost really going to lose my temper at a customer. Gimme a break la... She was shouting herself hoarse and typically me when somebody is angry or shouting at me, I just shut them out. My mind just went... kaput! Thats it. All I will hear is snippets of words. And from what we found out later on, it was her fault. She was using somebody else credit card and doesnt want that person to know.

I realized then how unattractive we are when we are rude. I meant the most cultured person that have 3 or 4 PhD hanging up at the wall of their office, and eat caviars like most of us ate roti canai monthly, but when they shouted and screamed obscenities at you, you realized there and then. How uncivilised. How illiterate this person looks. How ugly they sounded. How ignorant they seemed. What is the point you shouted yourself hoarse. Throw various profanities in the face of this earth to you. Does it proved your point? Does it make your hearer felt more inferior, demeaning? Don't you realized that you just sounded crude and stupid. In their heart they are amused by your imaginative hurl of words being thrown at you. Because to their eyes, you look smaller than them.

Then it got me to thinking to of all the pretty or 'unpretty' person I met. How at first when we see them,we think how lovely they are. But when we got to know them, and see their faults, we also began to find these flaws. On how sallow their skin are, how unpleasant they look at times, how sly their eyes are. Everything then was going minus minus and minus. Then what about the person that we don't see as attractive in the start. At first you will look at them, and see all these outer layers. But as time goes on, when we are grateful for their kindness, their heart,we started to notice on how lovely they seem. Their smiles seems brighter. The laugh is a delight to hear. And at the end of the day you are almost ready to announce they are the loveliest person you had met.

Our own personality and how we treat peoples make a difference on how peoples look at us. We may not at times be like these lovely peoples I described, or even be as crude as the profaniest person. But I guess, it is important that our own lovely points will not be substract day after day, and never adding up.

Friday, June 24, 2005

Ostracize Me!

Help me! I am a vindictive woman! Hahha.. Oh well.. I can't hide it from all of you. Probably some of you might even have a sneaking suspicion about it. But well.. sometimes I am bad... Very Bad! Whip Me! Thats not the way it goes... I am out of line here. Its just felt nice to be bad , sometimes.
Anyway... we read other peoples blog. And I did read one of this blog, and the blog owner was mercilessly put down and ostracized. I meant... well if it was me. I would cringe reading it. Because.. no matter how we look at blog, its somehow like a personal achievement of our smallish literary talents. We talk to it, like it is our best friends, and if our best friend snubbed us and say that we are rubbish, it sure does put a damper to it, right? As I said before in my previous post, every time when I post a blog, it is like my little darling baby. We put such careful considerations in it.
And would you like reading what you wrote about say 3 years from now? I wouldnt be sure. Thats why I try my hardest not to condemn any of my friends here. Because, today we might think we are in the right. But a few years added, we would think probably we might had contribute to that problem too. That is why my blog lack that spice! No sex stuffs, no me describing to the fullest the life of love, ooppss.. the love of my life (But really.. that is dreary read for most blogs pon), and no bashing my friends, no describing the gory details of peoples demented relationships with each other. How bored I must sound to all of you.
And I used to read an article about blogging in the newspaper, saying that even though blog is a way to express ourselves, it is another line of journalism. This is because we chose to 'publish' our work. Because our words are made to the public eyes, there are certain responsibilities tied to it. Making sure the grammars are correct, we touch upon certain issues with sensitivity... something like that.
But hey.. it is somehow like the above title of my blog. When talking is not an option. I may have a glimmer of literary talents, but when I open my mouth I know I sounded rubbish. I don't make much sense. Thank you for blog to keep my words and train of thoughts straight even though it doesnt look much like it.

Wednesday, June 22, 2005


Such a simple topic. Its so general that we don't know where to start. Its a joy. Yes. It delight our ears and soul. Yes. It brings a message. Yes.

Yet such simple thing, we rarely drink in the glory and beauty of it. I always just love to put my bulky headphone on when I am feeling azure blue and let the music wash me away from all those unpleasant real life thingies. Like when I just heard "El Roxanne De Tango", the clear baritone voice of Ewan McGregor and the violin playing, I can feel it caress me and then engulfed me on gloom, downing it to further dark depths.

The masterpiece by Tchaikovsky Sleeping Beauty finale piece, it brings to mind of regality and splendor. I can almost see and felt the velvet and silk, the heavy brocade, the shining cold white marble on my feet. And a lingering sadness in spite of it. Seems like.. something that you know you can't have yet you held your head high.

And in YoYo Ma, suite 3, bww 1068, it brings to mind the clear blue sky, cool lemonade, soft sunlight on my cheek, soft pillows, comforts. The little things that make you happy.

Some things don't need to be said by words. Music is just another instance of it. I love classical as theres so much "scope of imagination" in it. The rise and fall of the piece enchanted me. Given me thousand of pictures that describe "scenes" of the music. String of words can be created easily. The notes of music? I wonder how peoples manage to do that. Capture the essence of the moods, giving it colour, light. Make it harmonious in combining both joys and despair in a piece.

To all those musical genius out there, I salute you.

Saturday, June 18, 2005

Just a lil sweet something

I had just finish reading my all time favorite Anne books again. I can never grew tired of it. It is just so beautiful. People nowadays can't write about the same thing again. When I read about a particular beautiful description of the smell of flowers or the feels on walking around at the woods, I am sure only people living on those far away time can feel that. We can't enjoy any of that anymore. Walk in the woods? Most likely the only thing you will feel is that is somebody following me to 'abuse' me. Smelling flowers? We had to buy them for almost RM50 now to smell it.

Anyhow.... there's a little verse from Tennyson that is written at the book.

All precious things discovered late
To those that seek them issue forth,
For Love in sequel works with Fate,
And draws the veil from hidden worth.
And somehow it is true. We discovered things that we hold dear to us when things are too late, we discovered them after so much things had happened, or when we are much older and wiser.

Saturday, June 11, 2005

PTD Exam

I was being "summoned" as that what I felt when I read the letter to go to the Peperiksaan Pegawai Tadbir and Diplomatik Gred 41 at Sek. Men. Teknik Azizah, JB. I know what to expect of the exams since my friends, family and fellow blogger taqi here had told of their similar experience. Except I don't have a fetish for schoolgirl with uniform. The exam was held on Tuesday and Wednesday. It was my "weekend" pon, so what the heck. I went.

I went back to JB with my brother. At first I was suppose to go with my mom. But my mom is way too tired after her trip to Vietnam. So my brother was handed the task to accompany me. Or should I say me accompanying him. So there I was after work lugged my bag with my brother to go to Pudu. I keep on forgetting why I hate Pudu, but yeah.. now I remembered. The smoke, the smell, the poor light, the heat.... And I can't remembered exactly whats the bus company name are but the bus name are Gunung Raya Express. The ticket guy was very very rude and when one passenger remarked this upon him he had the courtesy to reply " Ni kira cukup baik lah kite org kasi ko naik tau " Even I was kinda shocked. So much for Malaysians friendly peoples huh. And then theres a bunch of Indonesians on the bus and the Indonesians was way more demonstrative in voicing their unsatisfaction to the very rude man. Hence they almost broke up with fight. It was very very loud since they are right next to us, ( I saw my brother was trying to make himself invisible) and very very boring. Ugh.. And the guys right at the back of me was talking loudly as if he's in mamak. I was very very irritated. Uh.. next time I will pay much more for a bus ride just so I can get my nap. And when I got there I have to walk 30 mins with my high heels becoz theres no cab. Torturous feet~

And then home sweet home. Yeay! But have to wake up early to go to dratted exam. Not yeay~ Thank goodness it was only about 15 minutes away from home. My brother drove me there. Hehehe.. whats the use of brother huh. When I got there, I felt like... SPM days. The school hall... my school friends... Ugh.. bad memories; I meant the SPM days. So the exam went on. It was ok. But I was not ok. I got a temporary flu. Damn. But the questions was all about us..Do you lie when you are a kid? Yes.. Do you laugh hearing lewd jokes? Of course la yes. (Tipu la if someone lies about this). So on the questions goes, I finish it in about half an hour early so I went back home to lie , moan and ate my lunch. After lunch, went back to the general-question-nobody-care-much-about-Malaysia and I must had failed that one terribly and the maths one too. The maths question is easy. But maths had never been one of my forte... so I didnt manage to finish it all. My Brain Is Slow Hence The Blurrie Nickname Given To Me. The next day was essay day. The essay for BM i chose " Tinggalan Sejarah Penting Pada Warisan.. bla bla" and the English one is "A healthy diet is important.. bla bla" and I chose that! What a laugh! for a girl who loves red meat and lots of pasta sauce. So then.. its over~ SPM days over~ yeay. But I had to go back to work the next day! Damn! Because it didn't felt like I was on my "weekend" hols. But today is Saturday, fun working day! Yeay! So my mood greatly improved. And the trip back to KL was spent on a really fine looking bus. Very comfy, very cold and they shown George of the Jungle and White Chicks. DVD quality babe! Goody~

Ah.. I can't wait for my "weekends" off. I want to slumber and do fun stuffs. Not exams! But it was ok anyway. And I don't set much hope on it pon, someone said it is really really hard to get through.. I meant if my SPM was not so great, and I felt it was like SPM all over again, so I dont think so I will get far on that.And... I already got a job which I will try to hold on to.. until I felt I get much experience to venture to the Great Unknown again.

Ah.. pizza~ goody!

Friday, June 10, 2005

Isn't it funny

that.. even in my dream my wish won't come true. How tiring. To suffer dissapointment in a reality living dreamless world and to get no reprieve even when I slept. I woke up... feeling rejected. Great. Just great.

Sunday, June 05, 2005

Working on Sat and Sun

Owh.. most ppls just opt to work in the weekend. But Im working shift. So here I am. But it is quite fun though. Its more relax, u get a lot more laugh. The food is great. Its a helluva lotsa fun. Of course it is killing your social life. But hey.. I don't have much of a social life anyway. No biggies for me. (snide comments heard all around.. ignore it)
I seems to be enjoying my new job! Yeay.. of course they are downtime. Meaning if customer got mad or you are really really sluggish in waking up ~ But they are up times when they appreciate your efforts. So every job got its pro and cons. But the environment is nice.... the peoples are extra nice. No one was telling me to get another job quickly (*hint *hint to other places), no one was looking at you askance like you just stepped on a cat poo or something and peoples dont give you looks when you are really reluctant to work overtime.
And the system is currently down. Owh.. I dont know if thats good or bad for us. We just have to wait and see. And also the door refused to let us in. How dare it. Only my manager can get in and out easily. And somebody said we can get out but not get in. Probably all this things are telling us to go home and have fun.. yeah!
Owh.. but I will have to stay here until 6.45pm ..... Herm.. too bad for me, thats ok. Just live and let live!

Wednesday, June 01, 2005

I found my keys!!

It is right outside the Setiawangsa LRT station, somewhere near the drain. Hahhaha.. malu malu~ ::BLuSHinG::
:: Sigh:: I guess my friends have to take back their words that I am no longer "blur".

Disqus for Dils Stop