I was not intending to blog today. I was tired. I have a fearful headache. But then.. this is why I had setup my blog initially. To release all pent up emotion.
The thing is I do not know where to start. How laughable. Because I was almost adamant to not blog about him. Almost.. because I have not put layers and layers of concrete into my weak willed spirit yet. I will.. but later on.. not just yet. All previous entry.; all those heartache, confusion.. I chose to left it there because as I told you. Therefore, I can look back and see foolish me again. These came to mind reading on suff blog earlier on.
So once in a while... it is refreshing to not make much sense to my readers cause I myself can hardly think in a straight line. Why all these sudden rush of emotions? Something eventful happened to me? No. I did not meet anyone. I did not come in contact with anyone. Yet... sometimes at one unguarded moment.. when you are listening to a tune.. not those sweet tune.. nor those poignant one either.. its those passionate one. And at that moment.. when I let my hair down and I build my castle in the air...... somebody carelessly thrown to me, his name. I blinked in surprise. My lips parted halfway... wanting to say the name .. slowly. Feeling it again on my lips. How it felt.
Then... just only because of that little thing, I was restless for a day or two. My mind went into a feverish pace.. what had been said between us, what had happened. I do not seems to want to seek an explanation... it is just there.. I can't explain it. I simply can't. It is beyond me. Its like some secret creature that wants to claw out ... and I kept on beating it down with a stick... and yet felt that I could not bring myself to do it. But yet I continue to beat it and at the same time shed tears over the poor creature.
Women are strange creature. She can perfectly reasonable when peoples does not want her to be and be unreasonable against all logic and sense.
I am tired.
The thing is I do not know where to start. How laughable. Because I was almost adamant to not blog about him. Almost.. because I have not put layers and layers of concrete into my weak willed spirit yet. I will.. but later on.. not just yet. All previous entry.; all those heartache, confusion.. I chose to left it there because as I told you. Therefore, I can look back and see foolish me again. These came to mind reading on suff blog earlier on.
So once in a while... it is refreshing to not make much sense to my readers cause I myself can hardly think in a straight line. Why all these sudden rush of emotions? Something eventful happened to me? No. I did not meet anyone. I did not come in contact with anyone. Yet... sometimes at one unguarded moment.. when you are listening to a tune.. not those sweet tune.. nor those poignant one either.. its those passionate one. And at that moment.. when I let my hair down and I build my castle in the air...... somebody carelessly thrown to me, his name. I blinked in surprise. My lips parted halfway... wanting to say the name .. slowly. Feeling it again on my lips. How it felt.
Then... just only because of that little thing, I was restless for a day or two. My mind went into a feverish pace.. what had been said between us, what had happened. I do not seems to want to seek an explanation... it is just there.. I can't explain it. I simply can't. It is beyond me. Its like some secret creature that wants to claw out ... and I kept on beating it down with a stick... and yet felt that I could not bring myself to do it. But yet I continue to beat it and at the same time shed tears over the poor creature.
Women are strange creature. She can perfectly reasonable when peoples does not want her to be and be unreasonable against all logic and sense.
I am tired.
Comments
its called being human. sometimes the mind governs, sometimes the heart. when its the mind, you're in control, when its the heart, you give in. happens to everyone.