Post recovery bits and coping with new life - somewhat

People always said every child birth is different and this is true! Let see what gonna happened if I am to have a 3rd child pulak. 

This time the post recovery is very painful one. I didn't remembered when I had given birth to Aziz it was this painful. That first 2 nights I was racked with sweats and contraction pain. I felt so hot that 2 days and was sweating a lot that my hair was disgusting while everyone in the room was feeling cold. It was made even worse because cesarean post op meant no bath for at least 2 or 3 days! But I didn't dare to let the temp drop even further in the room because I don't want my newborn baby sick because of the cold. And the contraction pain this time is really intense. I could cry, it is almost as bad as during labour contractions. I asked the nurse and she said memang normal, usually those who had undergone cesarean the second time will feel the pain even more. She said the third usually not that bad. Mesti cakap camtu supaya mak2 tak stop at 2. Haha. But sometimes the contraction pain was so bad that I am tempted to stop at 2 jugak! I can still feel it on and off during this past weeks but not so bad. 

So I guess the decision I made to not have visitors during the first few days after my operation was the right one for me. I only want family to visit. With breastfeeding and my pee bag at the side of the bed and just laying on the bed too much in pain even to laugh, my heart is not just in it for visitors. I apologized to my friends and not asked them to come while I am at the hospital and am glad of it. 

This time, breastfeeding come much smoothly, I have plenty of milk by the second day and do not struggle much. There are some sore nipples because baby still trying to learn how to latch, but nothing as bad as the one I had with Aziz.  After the first week, the soreness had went away with the help of Lansinoh. Even sleeping with the baby is not much of a hassle, kecuali that one time where I drink a lot of teh tarik ( I couldnt help it. It was there! And it was hot! ) baby meragam, most of the time Saif is a little angel. He woke up every 2 or 3 hours for milk, and I am ok with it. Staying at my sis mostly helped a lot. I can't imagine kena buat semua mende sendiri. Salute to those mothers who did. 

My husband and Aziz spent the nights at the hospital. At first Aziz was upset that he can't sleep next to me. My stomach was too sore to handle his jumping and limbs flying around! Even now. So he have to make do sleeping next to his father.  Alamat Aziz jatuh dari sofa bed pon bapak die tak sedar. Kena la I kejut my husband by calling him out. Kesian Aziz. 

Awal2 tu sibuk nak dukung adik die. 

This is a big adjustment to him. So far there is no jealousy though there is a lot of hurt feelings when we are not paying attention to him.  Up until now I am still struggling to find a balance between attending to the need of a newborn baby and my somewhat limited mobility and Aziz needs for his mom. Still struggling. I sometimes snap at him, especially when he is being his Terrible Two self. Then I will be racked in guilt when he goes a few steps away saying "tanak kawan! " while crying . Sedih taw. So I try to will myself to be more patient.  In the mean time, I can only hope that Aziz will continue to not lose faith in his mommy and are able to understand that his mommy attention is now split in two. It is made somewhat easier being in my sister house because he have his cousin to play with, so I hope when we are back at our home I will have a better grasp on how to manage STUFFS. 

Though I do say, Aziz do love his brother. Always wanting to be next to the baby, and alerting me if baby is crying when I am dead asleep from tiredness, wants to kiss him and what I am always alarmed of, wants to dukung baby. I am sometimes scared that he will pick up his brother unattended so I tried to not leave those 2 alone. So far anything that concerned his little brother, he will heed our warning. Part suruh makan tu jeee buat aku still bengang. "Tanak makannn." .. pastu buat muka gonna puke. Haha. Kelakar memang kelakar, tapi tanak makan dan tanak susu memang la mak die nak naik meroyan la. Fuh. Bagilah kesabaran pada ibu ni.. Amin. 

He wants to sleep next to his brother tapi aku cuak la if I tak sedar tertidur , die roll over on his brother ke. So I manage to persuade him to sleep further off.  Aziz kinda now have grasped that things are different now. Sometimes he still wants to sleep on my arms, but nowadays it is ok for him to fall asleep on his own as long as I am nearby. Like I said it is a big adjustment for all of us and day by day we are looking for ways to ease into a new life and routine.