Thursday, June 01, 2006

The days my dream came crashing down

No. It wouldn't take a day. It probably take a few months or even these past year.

Now. Its been sometime since I bitch about something. Now its the time. I will bitch about everything. But where to start? Who shall I protect so that he/she won't be hurt when they read my blog? Does the expense of baring it all is actually worth the fragile friendship I try to make?

You see. They all said life in your teens sucks. Teenagers have all these hormones keep on shooting up , which messes up their life. This then led to drug abuse, wild dangerous partying, casual unprotective sex.. and so on. This is what THEY says. Who? Pyschiatrist, so called PHD doctors. You know what? My life as a teenagers was great. I think they got it all. They got youth, they got hope, they got ambitions, they got time and alll of the first time moments. And if problemos arises. Presto! Blame it on your parents. Blame it on the government. Blame it on the hormone. Heck, some even blame God.

When you got to your 20s? You are all grown up. You had finish studying. You realized suddenly that you are not being spoon fed by all the information and learning. Poof. You are left to fend for yourself. Find a job. Felt the wrath of a boss. Felt pressurized and slightly dull by the monotonous life you led everyday.

But the most horrible things are. Your dreams. Some peoples are lucky to achieve their dreams. They know what they want, and they got what they want. In your 20s, you realized, ambition and dreams are not as clear cut as they were when you were an aspiring youth walking through campus. You need to compromise with yourself. Find a solution or alternative that can make you if not as happy, but as satisfied.

You are thinking as you led your everyday life. This is not what I want. What had happened along the way? So you pushed through life in your 20s, blindly , finding what suit you. Who you really are? What do you really want to do? Who you really want to be with? Who you CAN be with? Who is your real friends? Are you really that strong? Are you really that hard headed? Can you take real pressure? Does all of your noble intentions are just intentions but never an act?

You fight unreasonable tears. Why this is happening? Don't I give my all? You realized that honesty no longer work. I found out that honesty is not much appreciated in your 20s. It will bite you at the ass while the person is laughing, silently thinking, ah you pitiful naive creature. You spend your socializing faking that smile. Saying everything is grand, but life still a bitch just as so to show you are not showing off.

The upside of it? The cash of course. The effort which generate on own cold good ol cash. But that is spent on paying off your loans. Now. Life is just bleak. So does the weather now.

So thats why I shop. Yeay! Pretty things make me happy. Huhuhu.

p/s: I think this entry is just to justify my spending habit kut. Haih.


iceroll said...

at least ur life is much2 more better than those poor kat africa sana, or palestinian. Bersyukur aje la dgn ape yg ade

Dila said...

Haha. Oh dear. Don't say that you would actually use this as a comment or deign it as a reply.

Its like, someone tellin you, with heavy heart "I hate my life now. My boss sucks, there is no future in my job. I can't seems to make enough money to feed my wife and kids"...

and you replying.. well.. as the above..

iceroll said...

haha. kalo my best fren ckp camtuh, i will say to him/her,"go and kill urself then." hehe

Dila said...

Sheeeshh. And you can be damn sure I will cast the palestinian and somalians whenever u want to spill ur problems.

Really. Sheeshh.

am in a foul mood today

taqiyuddin bakir said...

i think what asrol is trying to say is that, everybody have their ups and downs.
those people that are laughing at your naivete, are cursed to feel that way at everybody around them. even their loved ones. so they'd end up rejecting people, constantly seeking someone that they feel 'up to par' with them. and it will never be enough. poor souls.

ahh.. but maybe this is something that i tell myself to vindicate all those people that have trampled over me. theehe

Dila said...

Ah yes. Of course. Just that since I rarely bitch so much in person. Meaning when ppls saw me. I tend to do this here. Kinda like I can put my points of no return here.

Heh. Some peoples have great satisfaction and seeing others squirm. Call it sadistic nature if you must.

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