Friday, January 11, 2008

8 Rules of Typical Hollywood Horror Movies

The movies may apply only for one or all of the rules. However at least one of the below 'rules' must be applied.

1) Girls. If you are a slut, you will most certainly die first amongst all your friends. So don't ever go skinny dipping with guys nor cheat with your best friend boyfriend. Or worst, cheated by skinny dipping in a supposedly public place with your best friend boyfriend. You are most likely to die in the first 30 minutes.

2) Guys are not spare too. If you are obnoxious, are all talks and thrown a child or a girl in front of you as a shield, you will most certainly be next. After the slut.

3) If you recently been dumped or someone close to you died, and your friends or siblings think its fun to take you somewhere far and remote (read as nobody ever goes there anymore) to camp, caving, lodge, road trip, there is half a chance you will find either cannibals, urban legend monsters, psychotic villagers or roaming serial killers. Girls. Go shopping instead. It's safer.

4) Killers must always always taunt/give reason why they are killing/confessional to their final victims before beheading, choking or whatever deathly blows they are gonna use.

5) When a killer chases you. You must scream like hell first. Then run.

6) If you had run over someone, drown them accidentally, left them to die of starvation or mortal wound without helping, and not tell the authorities or tell the truth. You are pretty much screwed. Karma is going to come either in the form of deranged sadness-induced dementia killers or murderous spirits.

7) Help is futile. Either the police station is wiped out, your phone not working (cut off by killers or your coverage does not expand to woods and cave) or everyone had been killed off.

8) The girl(s) always survive. Always. The least slutty one usually. But usually it is always the girl.


p/s: Add to the list if you like

7 comments:

Anonymous said...

9)No matter how fast they run, they're always someone who will trip down.
10)hide anywhere you want, the killer will always had their way to find you.

haneejane said...

mcm penah tgk je citer yg treller tu..citer ape ek? sampai menjerit2..sakit anak tekak aku.

Jannah said...

The latest horror story I watched was Alien vs Predator 2. In it the slut died last.

You forgot to mention the token African American dude who always die first. Sad huh?

P/s Ada isu translation=plagiarism in my blog. Feel free to leave komen bernas dan membina :)

Dils said...

Haneem:
Tu cite jeepers creepers. Igt tak, tgk kat umah mlm2 and aku lompat2 tepi pintu..


Jannah:
Haha. probably need to change it to the slut and other non-colored people will always die. Need to always have one American, a white one to survive eh?

Dils said...

Some:
No. 9 is so true. no. 10, the one who is hiding in the first part sometimes survive.

Obefiend Weiland said...

10.even if at the end of the movie the killer is just a red speck on the floor ( after the hero blow his head off with a nuclear weapon), you will still get a sequel!

11. kissing and having sex while being chase by a deranger lunatic is romantic. they could be hiding under a rat infested staircase but somehow they will look at each other's eye and start "melanjur"

HEHE


god i love the first scary movie. best parody ever!

Dils said...

After reading your post, now I got the melanjur part. But no. 11 one of the reason I forgot to include but I found irritating. ..

Does adrenaline really causes people to look at others romantically??

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