Sunday, February 12, 2006


There are many times I blogged when I don't have any topic in mind.

I probably have in my mind like half a dozen. But they were all .... unusable. In term of, fear of expressing myself which may lead others to think otherwise. This would then bring me even more discomfort.

This human to human relationship. Family to family is easy yet somehow tasking. You can't choose your family. Therefore they are force to take you as you are. All those weakness and messiness and ugliness of characters . Nose picking and walking around nekkid and throwing towel on the floor things. Tasking , yes. But acceptance is necessary.

But.. sometimes our family don't suffer the brunt of all our characteristics. Beside family to family relationships. One of the most incredibly hard is other peoples and you.

They don't know who you are. They are no mind readers. We don't know what they think of us too. And it is frustrating at least. Of all superpowers of superheroes I envy, is mind reading. But it must be heart breaking to have that. To know if somebody truly hate you. To know the sadness and pain of others while you are barely holding your own.

So come this moment where other peoples actually have this choice . If you will have that pass into their life. It may not agree with you. But it is their life. You have to give them that. And you don't want people in your life who is inside fighting nail and tooth to get out. You give them this choice to go. But some wanted somebody else to make that choice. So you wait.

As what I read in Tuesdays with Morrie which a friend had lent me in hoping I could see the light. ;p Hah! Right! Like a book gonna change my whole characteristics :P ( but thank you, it is a lovely book and made peoples think, a little) . Anyway the Professor inform the Student. Sometimes in life we are caught in the middle. Two external forces are pulling us in the opposites way. Constantly pushing and pulling. Building a strain to those at the middle. The Student ask which side wins. The Professor smilingly replied, "Love always win". Oh.. it sounds so beautiful. Yet, does it really? Then where does bad choices came from? My 23 plus years could not comprehend this. Youth can be such a despairing stage sometimes.

I love the peoples who I called my friends and who called me as friend. They had accepted me for who I am. All those messiness and ugliness of characters. I accept their weaknesses and failings too. We may not agreed on em. Doesn't meant we love each other less.

Haih.. I miss my housemates.


mangifera said...

life is such a mess, the teen time is much mess. things like peer pressure so despressing. and it's really change your characteristics, follow the pressure or just ignore it. most of the time, we felt for that. if ignoring it, we be isolated, feeling so one want us. crap!!!

it's good we can't read people's mind cause if we can, people are much dirty than we thought now. and believe me, we better not knowing that. also, being a human being, decision making is such a quality that make us; human being. life is full of risk, and so after failing, we at least will learn something. and that's matured us. how beautiful Allah's creation.

if we always can see others mind, we afraid of doing mistake and always want to pleased others and at the end, nothing more than life of full depression where everybody want to pleased each other. it's so fake.

love always win? always because of love, people suffered to achieve the highest degree of happiness. yet when the reach so called highest degree of happiness, they realize, there are no such things as highest degree of happiness. they know that 'happily ever after' never happen. love is just a start of bigger disaster if you can't handle it. IF you can handle it, still some unwanted problem coming.

IF love always win, why people do damaged to others. love being manipulated as agent to make others suffered for self satisfaction. but hell human being never care bout that, maybe love give so much comfort, sweet-one-second-memory-that-will-never-forgotten. the more love make human suffered, the more human searched for it.

btw, you're my friend, dils. eventhough we just meet at very brief moment, yet the memory remains. oh..sorry to write a very long comment . love to read your writing... :)

Dila said...

I guess it is better not to read other people's mind. Guess the risk make everything so exciting and worthwhile.

Despite whatever cynicism I may hold, I do think love is almost possible.
Happily ever after meant despite the arguments, you can still kiss and make up.

Its just that some people are consumed by selfishness . So they think it is love.
So decision made so that love wins? Dunno probably if you love yourself more , if that count?

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