Sunday, March 20, 2005

Why Do I Even Bother?

Why? I don't know. I guess some peoples like to build their hopes up high. Or I guess some peoples just won't give up. But I never used to be these type of peoples you see. I don't have that high of an ambition. And if things get tough.. I usually just forgot it. I meant .. why should I give a damn. Life is interesting enough aight? But.. now every little things count, I build my castle high up in the cloud, and I just won't stop.

Thank God for every little things in life that make your life seems bearable and worth living. When i broke up with a boyfriend once, someone told me not to do anything stupid as in (suicide). I retorted back.."I am not THAT stupid". I never had much patience with those attempting lame suicide. I mean lame because they just do it to get attention, not actually wanna die. But in the process it will 'menyusahkan' everybody. If you really wanna die, you won't just swallow 8 panadols right? I would have gone to Clorox. I mean if I am thinking of suicide, hanging is kinda difficult .... i mean the work of tying all those knot, then hanging it on ceiling or something. And I am short. Maybe those who hang themselves most of em are tall peoples. Gun would be quicker, but getting a gun in Malaysia is kinda difficult I think. Not to mention if you shoot your brain out. It will be messy, I don't fancy myself with a hole in me. And forget about throwing yourselves from a 10-storey building. I can't even bring myself to look down from my room on the top floor (3rd floor) at UTP. So i guess poison is the most logical things aight?
But.. I remembered a ceramah agama I went to hear lately, (Dont laugh) the ustaz said that when Kiamat come, all living things will die and this include Izrail (the angel who take life). And when Izrail turn comes, he will say to God, "If this is the pain of death, then I should had been more gentle when taking away the souls of man". So..I guess death is not easy and also the thoughts of spending eternal life in hell is not really tempting. So.. make our life worthwhile everyday by appreciating every day. Sheeshh... how "Over the Rainbow" I sounded for a while. But the thing is.. as a Moslem, Islam teached us to have hope everyday and never forget that our duty is to God and our life is His for the taking. So I hope God forgive me for sometimes losing hope and thinking all is loss for me.

So for my little pleasures in life.. this is one of it. It is my niece. Isnt she the cutest little thing.


iceroll said...

"Hope is a good thing, my friend." - Andy Dufresne

Imagining u with kids..hmm.. its unimaginable.

mangifera said...

nice entry...

dare to die..why don't dare to continue living? that's a good question every suicider must ask first before committing suicide.

hope is bridging by trust. no trust, no hope. as simple as that.

having kid is a good thing, a gift from god...but sometimes, you feel like want to return back the gift to the god (quote from lenett - desperate housewives). no offence to this statement k.

kid are cute, innocent and blur. love them so nieces are just me so much even i'm not so recent to see them. maybe cause i'm good in take care of them. hahaha....

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