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I'm in love with a dream

I havent touched that much on this topic. Perhaps it is.. hard, painful.. and frightening. I'm not those peoples who are afraid to get into commitment. You can always bounce back.

But yet.. everyday.. My hope is diminishing, and this makes my dreams even more solid. I mean.. the ever sung out song "My Heart Will Go On". We may on hearing the songs played, wanted to turn it off or changed it to another station. Still .. how really can our love goes on, knowing the other party not interested or not there anymore. Can we really build an artificial life and surround us with many masks and faces.. and in our head we build these really lovely fairytale. Knowing that these are the best that we have at this time and perhaps forever. In reality.. if Jack never died in that ship, Rose will probably get irritated with him drawing naked women in America to make a living aight and whacked him becoz of her uh undying love for him?

I am much too young to be a cynic and jaded about life and love. Somehow as I always said before.. I am weary of the game. It had worn me down. I am left tattered, battered and fending for my mind. How fortunate it is for actors and actress, for a while to be a a different person and forget who you are. Because I certainly can't forget who I am.. even though I am playing pretends.

So.. let me build my Spanish or French or Danish castle in the clouds and my hero saved me everyday and I will save him every other day.. where the peoples are loyal, my heart are true, love is genuine and heroics cherished. Because right now.. that is what made me happy in a sad lonely kinda way. Strangely.. having children never been one of my dreams.. Hmmmmm~~

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Raw

Why does my heart cried Feelings I can't fight You betrayed me But just don't deceived me And please believe me when I say I love you [From the movie Moulin Rouge] And why didnt he? He's playing hot and cold.. hot and cold with me. I can't stand it. Yet I always come back for more. I am a true blue masochist. I don't even ask him to love me. I just ask him to miss me. And he couldnt even do that.. or say it. I just want to see his face once more. To see his lovely smiles, his small laugh. Why couldn't I forget him. When he could so easily dismissed me.. he could just easily come back and messed my sense and sensibility. While my tears fall down to my keyboard, yet at the same time I was making jokes and soothing him telling him "no worries". I don't ask for much... a smile, a pat on the hand. I miss him so much. Yet I am so afraid to let it shows. Becoz then if I show it... it will hurt 10 times more.