Owh.. let forget those heart wrenching post below this one. It is written in a somewhat resurfacing grief stricken moment. I am a bit embarassed by that post, but it is of course my baby. It is what I had felt. As for that, I let it be.
I do not know what life will offer to me. I felt like a hundred years old yet there are so many things I want to do. So many things have gone wrong. So many ways I want to set it right again, yet I felt powerless. I can't do this alone. So let it be.
I remembered watching the Butterfly Effect (starring Ashton Kutcher). It was a lovely movie. And what can we do if we could change back the past. Change it somehow, to make it into our lovely little world. And at last, he knew that by not being born he is making his little cirle of world much more better. Kinda morbid isnt it. I am glad I was born. Some peoples even say that I changed their life to the better. It is nice to know that. But... I felt.. as if.. everybody is benefiting with this close personal relationship with me.. but not myself. I felt somehow like a loser. I must have missed out on something. Lesson learned? Experience? Feelings shared? I felt let down. What wisdom I havent learned and impelement yet? Do not trust every word of a guy.. ? Be with someone who treat you right? Break out of my shell?
This is another morbid post. It must be. Because I feel heavy. And I remembered a colleague of mine said that we can know our feelings by our stomach. Not romantic huh? But come to think of it , he's right. I meant if we says.. like get stage fright. Our stomach will be like 'bergelodak', hence the frequent trip to the toilets before we got on the stage and smiled and do our things. And if I were excited to meet a guy I like, I knew I MUST have really, really like him by my frequent trip to the toilet before going out on a date and my stomach I swear must had contained pretty little butterflies after I got back from the date. I felt damn fly~. Damn..now you guys will know why I look a bit thinner when going on a date ^_^ And if I am sad, my stomach will feel like lead and wrenching pain seems to shot through it. So.. I trust my not- so- identical- looking- belly -as- Britney to tell me what I am feeling. If only I can see others feeling as well. Oh yeah.. i took that SEX ID test where yada yada.. I am 50% femalebrain. Thats no news to me. Anyway what is news that is my emphatising ratio si only 6 out of 20.. even the average men ratio is 8 out of 20. I must be way more callous that you average guys out there. Other than that,the result is as expected. Oh wait, I find out that there is a bit testoterone surging through my body. Ah no wonder. What you wonder? Thats for you to find out! (cheeky all of the sudden laks)
The weekend is almost over. How sad.
I do not know what life will offer to me. I felt like a hundred years old yet there are so many things I want to do. So many things have gone wrong. So many ways I want to set it right again, yet I felt powerless. I can't do this alone. So let it be.
I remembered watching the Butterfly Effect (starring Ashton Kutcher). It was a lovely movie. And what can we do if we could change back the past. Change it somehow, to make it into our lovely little world. And at last, he knew that by not being born he is making his little cirle of world much more better. Kinda morbid isnt it. I am glad I was born. Some peoples even say that I changed their life to the better. It is nice to know that. But... I felt.. as if.. everybody is benefiting with this close personal relationship with me.. but not myself. I felt somehow like a loser. I must have missed out on something. Lesson learned? Experience? Feelings shared? I felt let down. What wisdom I havent learned and impelement yet? Do not trust every word of a guy.. ? Be with someone who treat you right? Break out of my shell?
This is another morbid post. It must be. Because I feel heavy. And I remembered a colleague of mine said that we can know our feelings by our stomach. Not romantic huh? But come to think of it , he's right. I meant if we says.. like get stage fright. Our stomach will be like 'bergelodak', hence the frequent trip to the toilets before we got on the stage and smiled and do our things. And if I were excited to meet a guy I like, I knew I MUST have really, really like him by my frequent trip to the toilet before going out on a date and my stomach I swear must had contained pretty little butterflies after I got back from the date. I felt damn fly~. Damn..now you guys will know why I look a bit thinner when going on a date ^_^ And if I am sad, my stomach will feel like lead and wrenching pain seems to shot through it. So.. I trust my not- so- identical- looking- belly -as- Britney to tell me what I am feeling. If only I can see others feeling as well. Oh yeah.. i took that SEX ID test where yada yada.. I am 50% femalebrain. Thats no news to me. Anyway what is news that is my emphatising ratio si only 6 out of 20.. even the average men ratio is 8 out of 20. I must be way more callous that you average guys out there. Other than that,the result is as expected. Oh wait, I find out that there is a bit testoterone surging through my body. Ah no wonder. What you wonder? Thats for you to find out! (cheeky all of the sudden laks)
The weekend is almost over. How sad.
Comments
i tell you this advice also, if you think your probs is really big, really make you sad, reall depress you, why don't keep it aside? just put whatever necessary in your mind and keep on going with life. sometimes, we human being are too much in trouble when we get stuck to over thinking. you over thinking about even small small thing, even unnecessary thing, even on things that not belong to us. isn't it wierd? in my opinion, it's just human curiousity and curiousity is always kill the cat but since cat have 9 lifes (not like human which only have 1 life), we cannot gamble our life into over thinking mind. stop being overthink....
when you can stop being overthink, you can see a brigther world where there are no probs that can't be solved, there are no obstacle that can be get through. it's just as easy as that.
ops...the concept of overthink is different from careful thinking. careful thinking is when you quit overthinking and think the consequences of thing we done. we think just as it's needed and not more than that. don't confuse between overthink and careful think k.
the compelxity in our mind is because we invited that compelxity in our life. life is complex so why invite another complexity in life...am i rite? so dila, quit overthink k. sorry if this piece of babbling not really helping but this is the best i can give...use it when you need it k.
ask the right question.. u'll get the answer. =p~
( I am full of words..)
to mangi:
owh.. today im a whole lot better since my almost all male colleagues here were making 'blues' jokes. early in the morn. Ah.. how .. arr.. shallow? No lah.. how nice that a little laughter can make you feel like you own the world.
Right don't overthink and overanalyse. There are men out there~ (Taken from the The Client, John Grisham book)