Saturday, August 11, 2007

I have no self esteem

Right. Reading Effi's blog , I am a bit bleak myself. The weather is not helping too ok. Totally get why he's feeling left out.

There's nothing to talk about. Its the Merdeka month. But I couldn't be bothered. Yet another day that I will be working. While others youth are wasted, beers spilling from their glasses and yelling "Merdeka!", you can bet your life on it that I will be in front of this computer, contributing to the national well-being of Malaysia's economy. So that's me being patriotic and shut up about Merdeka and patriotism.

It comes to a point.. when I shopped for any new clothes or makeup ... I am thinking..what's the point. I rarely go out to meet my friends. Most of them are too busy and of course working on shifts where usually I need to work on Saturday and Sunday had now made me to be a very lonely hermit. My friends from work usually hang out in a faraway place where I couldn't be bothered to drag my ass out there.

Hurmph. Okay. So this a bleak post. Just feeling out of place cause I am decked out so nice with nowhere to go. And I had stepped on some unidentifiable poo. No worries. I do not smelt of poo anymore. My beloved torturous kasut had been washed vigorously with some industrial office liquid soap.

Hey.. macam nak mee rebus Pak Wahid lor. Sobs~ lovely hot piping mee rebus with 2 telor rebus served in the old-type mangkuk-pinggan kaca you only normally see at kampung home. Wanted to go back to JB, but then I thought.. what am I gonna do over there. Only my mom at home, but she is so busy with her rakan masjid nowadays and out most of the time. My cousins are forced-workaholics. My brothers... Perlu ke count them in ?

Takkan tetiba out of the blue nak tepon so called strangers. Hurmph.. okay my used to be good friends. It well maybe strangers since whenever I am with them, I don't understand whatever it is they talk about. Talk about out of place. Ape orang cakap? Macam rusa di kandang kuda? (damn.. I am always bad at Malay peribahasa anyway)

Sometimes I feel like starting somewhere with a clean slate. Tapi kan.. all people already have their history and clique. And I am not interesting enough to be immediately admitted to one clique with open arms.

So.. I love thee my computer. You don't make me feel like a freak.

WoooWoooo.. luar is bleak too


obefiend said...

wow. bleak ke. i guess that was a moment of clarity for me. flipping through the friendster list i realised that most of them are not even in talking terms with me.i dont mean we have disagreement but more like i havent talked to them face to face. skin to skin. one would think that tech helps with friendship but we all know it just makes us drift away faster. in da back of our head we subconciously say " oh ada friendster. leaving random comments kira betegur sapa la kan?".. not!

so thats the reason behind the cancellation of the friendster account. feel so deluded. friends in the form of static picture and HTML codes. how sad. i yearn for school days where we do hang out at mamak or post office ( dekat tebrau tu! tunggu bas 212! T HAKIM). these days i would be lucky to get 5 of them in one place for a 3 hour meet. yang bole jumpa pun those who are in my predicament which is not working yet

then i have to make new friends at work. god i hate that feeling. like being dumped on a new school on the first day. being the FNG (fuckin new guy). sheesh

my computer? she is one fine beast but i wish it could talk to me!

Dila said...


I always get whenever I browse Friendster. There were times I didn't login for months because I was so offended that a once close friend of mine was getting married and does not bothered to jemput me.

I got to a point of paranoia thinking that I don't matter much to other people and deep down... all of em hate me. Hahaha..

But I didn't delete my Friendster since I do keep in contact with some of old friends and colleagues and informed each other of any meet ups or anything.

I'm lucky enough that whenever I got into a new office, I was not the only newbie and sometimes we are the first batch.

Well.. talking computer..that's IM is for? hehe..

p/s: Once I got so lonely, I randomly type conversation with the YahooHelper.

I am indeed very sad.

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