No niceties

I am pissed today. I am not feeling well. I am just feeling pissed for no reason. So whatever.

And... Jeeezzz. I don't feel like blogging. I felt like ....

I don't know what to feel anymore. It is no use. Yups yups. Whatever the use of it.. what's the use of feeling.

Hahaha.. How morbid. I will laugh tomorrow. No doubt. But my laugh ... it wouldn't be the same right? Its not the same as my laugh... 2 or 3 years ago? And it is not the same laugh as you would laugh? Whatev. I would laugh. Everyone change. But instead of metamorphising to big beautiful multi colored dainty butterfly. I think of myself... of more of a big fat caterpillar munching on tasteless leaves looking at other butterflies going from flower to flower. Not changing. Not flying.

I see everyone is happy and content. Hurmph. I wish.. I could have that sense of contentment.. or happiness. Just a lil bit. But I do, of course... all I need to do is just watch TV.

Sometimes I wonder.. at the obvious lovey dovey feeling that my friends exhibit. You know.. the eye sparkle, the voice softer.. whenever they saw their loved one or talk to their loved one.

I wonder... how they could do that. How they could have that feeling. That floating elatedness thinking the world is beautiful , loving somebody that you knew without a doubt you want to spend the rest of their life with em . I envy them to the point of almost hating them. But trying so hard to be a relatively nice and good friend, I push that venomous thought aside and just not think about it. And continue to watch TV.

The thing is.. I see... things are not well. At all.

On a lighter note or compeletely sane and everyday topic, I would be going back to JB tomorrow. So Selamat Hari Raya Aidilfitri, Happy Stuffing yourselves with good many lemak-y , oily food and kueh / kek raya goodies and Happy Journeying back to kampung.

Anyway, I had not yet pack for balik kampung. Grrrrrr.. And I have to go back by bus via Pudu. I don't mind going via bus. I enjoy it in fact. The fact of sitting and not having to talk to anyone for 5 ++ hours thrill me to no end. But Pudu.. gaaahhhh.. I hate Pudu. The smoke. The freaky looking people. The dark and gloomy place.

And I need to stuff my baju kurung into my bag. My beautiful, crease free baju kurung....stuff into my bag. *GASP*. How cruel. Since all my sisters are married now, no one is going back to JB on first raya. So I need to bring all my chosen worldly possesion for raya-ing. I also am wavering on what DVD I should bring back. I can't bring them all... I got nothing to do on Raya and waiting for Raya. Might as well finish the many DVDs of series and Jdos bought but never watched.

Well.. no cards from me this year people. I am too lazy. Whatev.

Maaf Zahir Batin.