Thursday, October 19, 2006

No niceties

I am pissed today. I am not feeling well. I am just feeling pissed for no reason. So whatever.

And... Jeeezzz. I don't feel like blogging. I felt like ....

I don't know what to feel anymore. It is no use. Yups yups. Whatever the use of it.. what's the use of feeling.

Hahaha.. How morbid. I will laugh tomorrow. No doubt. But my laugh ... it wouldn't be the same right? Its not the same as my laugh... 2 or 3 years ago? And it is not the same laugh as you would laugh? Whatev. I would laugh. Everyone change. But instead of metamorphising to big beautiful multi colored dainty butterfly. I think of myself... of more of a big fat caterpillar munching on tasteless leaves looking at other butterflies going from flower to flower. Not changing. Not flying.

I see everyone is happy and content. Hurmph. I wish.. I could have that sense of contentment.. or happiness. Just a lil bit. But I do, of course... all I need to do is just watch TV.

Sometimes I wonder.. at the obvious lovey dovey feeling that my friends exhibit. You know.. the eye sparkle, the voice softer.. whenever they saw their loved one or talk to their loved one.

I wonder... how they could do that. How they could have that feeling. That floating elatedness thinking the world is beautiful , loving somebody that you knew without a doubt you want to spend the rest of their life with em . I envy them to the point of almost hating them. But trying so hard to be a relatively nice and good friend, I push that venomous thought aside and just not think about it. And continue to watch TV.

The thing is.. I see... things are not well. At all.

On a lighter note or compeletely sane and everyday topic, I would be going back to JB tomorrow. So Selamat Hari Raya Aidilfitri, Happy Stuffing yourselves with good many lemak-y , oily food and kueh / kek raya goodies and Happy Journeying back to kampung.

Anyway, I had not yet pack for balik kampung. Grrrrrr.. And I have to go back by bus via Pudu. I don't mind going via bus. I enjoy it in fact. The fact of sitting and not having to talk to anyone for 5 ++ hours thrill me to no end. But Pudu.. gaaahhhh.. I hate Pudu. The smoke. The freaky looking people. The dark and gloomy place.

And I need to stuff my baju kurung into my bag. My beautiful, crease free baju kurung....stuff into my bag. *GASP*. How cruel. Since all my sisters are married now, no one is going back to JB on first raya. So I need to bring all my chosen worldly possesion for raya-ing. I also am wavering on what DVD I should bring back. I can't bring them all... I got nothing to do on Raya and waiting for Raya. Might as well finish the many DVDs of series and Jdos bought but never watched.

Well.. no cards from me this year people. I am too lazy. Whatev.

Maaf Zahir Batin.

5 comments:

taqiyuddin bakir said...

'bah humbug!' says dila before she switch off the bedroom light. Then suddenly out from the corner of her eyes, she saw sparkling lights and merry little shiny things. She turns her head and poof, out of the thin air, a colorfull being emerges! 'Ho Ho Ho, I am the djinn of Hari Raya Past!' says the djinn. With that proclaimation, dila rolls her eyes and covers her head with her pillow. 'Whatever lah.. ' whispers dila to herself.

to be continued...

mangifera said...

the djinn will commit suicide for sure.

love, it's just weird. how despairing, how uplifting, how depressing, yet nobody stop chasing after it. for me, it's just not my time or just i'm not go in depth in one subject which also include love. maybe next time, and i'm too young to experience that. life start at 40. :P

bah...women are annoying. with that stand, i managed to avoid myself fro love. easy stand. ignorance perhaps. ah..go for shopping la. raya; nothing than mere family gathering.

but i'm excited to see my rumah runtuh cause all my nieces and nephews are there. god, letih la. makan2, yummy. :P

iceroll said...

Selamat Hari Raya to u too.

And maaf zahir batin. I mean it.

Dila said...

taqi:
the djinn will probably commit suicide after the earful I gave him for disturbing my sleep!

dueng:
Love.. is a neverending thing.

I don't want to think that all men are crap. No. Some of them are nice and true. Just that.. I don't know. Not for me?

obefiend said...

kerplunk!

watch them DVD dan waste away. its amazing how plonking a few quid on a dvd dan then sliding the platic disc into the player can help a lot. when im overtly pissed i try to watch war movies. kinda weird to feel happy seeing people losing limbs and spilling their guts on the floor vrying " aww jeysus .. make the pain go awehhh.."

hope raya will cure the blues dils.. and keep on bloging since i realy enjoy reading them. too poor to buy new paperbacks!

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