Wednesday, December 21, 2011

I miss Fasha & Puteh

Anyway, I miss my 2 lost cats. 

Memang suke terbongkang kat karpet

I did not mentioned when Puteh died, he was actually euthanized. It is still a really sore topic for me, but it was the kinder thing to do than to let him further suffers through the pain. I felt guilty and I asked him and God many time to forgive me even to this day. 

When I was in Venice I think my second day there, I woke up from sleep and have this sudden clarity. If I had let him live, he would die that very day. That day when I was in Venice, he would have perish in some veterinarian place and in pain. I felt a moment of peace then, for a while. 

Maybe he won't, but at that day I had this almost surreal conviction that he would. I really miss his eyes and I wish I had him longer. Right now, I am itching to get another cat, like him, with his eyes. It is not really advisable, but I feel like I wanted to anyway. 

However, I have Bobby now and I can't take up another cat to my responsibility. In the mean time, I don't feel myself warming up to Bobby, sometimes I do, but this thing take times. However Bobby is a lot like Fasha where 

1. He likes plastic and bags just as much as Fasha. He always wanted to burrow into my bag. 
2. He is so active and fierce as Fasha as a kitten. 
3. Does not like people stroking him. 

Sometimes I can't stand how cute he is. But sometimes I just look at him and feel nothing. This sometimes tempted me to give him away but I can't do that. Kurap actually is almost getting along with him, and I suspected a bit like Puteh I would feel lost when he's gone. 

Tidur nak kena letak kepala atas bantal hokeyy. Kucing sapelah yang manja sangat nii

Kurap is the same. And yet again I forgot to open the toilet door for her today. I put the litter box at the bathroom downstairs so Bobby can't get to it, but kept on forgetting to open the door for Kurap. Thank God, Kurap is very well behave when it comes to litter box, except for the 2 incidents ( die berak atas selimut and atas karpet once), she usually will wait till I get home and meowed at me almost angrily to open the bathroom door. 

Only she likes this pink chair. 

As for Fasha, I found it painful that I have a hard time remembering what she really looks like. During the first month she's gone, I gone through lots of pictures in Pet Finder trying to find a cat that looks exactly like her. None. Some are a bit like her but are male or looks meek. Fasha always had this look in her eyes that seems to convey that she thinks you are a moron. Sigh. I miss that. 

Maybe I need to have big ass picture of Fasha and Puteh and Kurap hanging in the house. But I think that may actually step over the line to the land of Crazy Cat Lady. 


chics said...

I so feel you.

I am still in denal and refused to think about him but bila nak tidur, automatically teringat.

I even swear sometimes I can hear him scratching on the door, like he always did malam-malam.

Every night before I sleep, I will call out his name, if he is somewhere around, at least he knows I always welcome him on my bed, like old times.

In denial takkk?

Dils said...

Heh. maybe in denial jugakk tapi I think its just one way to cope with grief.

I kept on expecting to see the 2 cats even now.

The feeling sucks.

Iz Yahya said...

Laaa.. Fasha dah arwah ke? Sori beb. Aku baca blog kau dari atas, tak tahu cerita.

Dils said...

No worries. Mmg agak confusing sikit, sebab selalu mention die dalam belog ni.

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